Friday, January 15, 2010

7 Randoms

My Dad


My dad stopped by my work the other day just to show me this comic. He cut it out of the paper for me.


My eBay Account


My eBay account was partially suspended by eBay today. Dupont filed a claim agansit me because I illegally used the word freon in my auction. They aparently own the word freon. I did not know this and I bet you didn't either. eBays customer service is quite possibly the worst in the world.

My Emotions


Every time I hear about the people of Haiti on the news I tear up. I'm usually driving so I try not to cry. It's hard not to cry. They are people just like me.

My Country


Every time I hear about all that my country is doing to try to help Haiti I am proud. I think that we get a bad rap when it comes to world politics. Americans as a people and as a government do a lot and give a lot to help other nations.

My Snowman


I built this guy a couple of years ago in my parents front yard.


My Antique Photos


I think this girl is beautiful. Too bad she is dead.
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My Hair


I pulled a car with my hair years ago. Yea, I really did.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Got to Have Goals

So here they are, my list of goals. I made a list of around 75 life goals last year and completed 15. Not too shabby if you ask me. This year I did a list of 50 (as did all of the guys in my life group) and plan to accomplish at least 25. Ryan, our fearless leader did on too and you can read that one here

1. Make $8,000 in online sales
2. Put railing in my hallway
3. Have a giant party
4. give away $1,000 at one time
5. Be less socially awkward
6. Go on a date
7. Get 12 new people to come to church
8. Get 3 friends to join life groups
9. Bungee jump
10. Visit Africa
11. Be published
12. Fast for 48 hours
13. Enter a food eating contest
14. Read 4 books
15. cook 5 new dishes (new to me)
16. ride my bike once a week (weather permiting)
17. Visit South America
18. Be on TV
19. Go ice-skating
20. Break word record
21. average 200 kids a week in kids church
22. make a dessert from scratch
24. shoot a machine gun
25. go on safari
26. scuba dive
27. go to the top of the carew tower
28. build a piece of furniture
29. drink an espresso
30. have a meaningful job
31. go hunting
32. flip a car (buy and sell)
33. try a new type of meat
34. cliff dive
35. plant a garden and actually grow tomatoes worth eating
36. keep better business records
37. get 50 subscribers on my blog
38. be a roll model
39. get married
40. visit the Indian mounds
42. go ice-skating
43. get $500,000
44. have kids
45. be in a movie
46. get my dad to do something crazy fun
47. get 1,500 feedback on eBay
48. explore the abandoned subway tunnels
49 buy a pacman arcade unit
50. open a Roth IRA

Thursday, January 7, 2010

How Did you Find this Blog

I'm a bit of a statistics nerd. And like all blogger nerds I like to track my blog views and how people found my blog. I came to find that people have searched some, um, interesting things on google to end up here. Here are some of the searches that brought folks to my blog:

white people hats
weeble wobble making
single guys with minivans?
older ladys hitchhikers sexy
i wanna punch this person in my year
guanatur fala ingles
grandma with piercings
evangelical "dan thoms"
dandruff in mustache
cultural differences farting
blogspot my pierced nipples
cultural differences farting

Bob Can't Remember My Name

Let me introduce you to Bob. I met Bob on Monday in the same place that I meet lots of interesting people, the thrift store. He was looking at some Autobahn magazines in the book section when he looked at me and said the magic words, Antique Road Show. That will get my attention every time. He then proceeded to tell me his entire life story. Bob, or Big Bob as he's commonly known, is in his 60s, he is married and has a son, Little Bob. Bob has a problem though. Bob can't remember stuff. He tries real hard but his brain doesn't work like it used to. You can see in his eyes that he wants to remember. His hands move nervously, his eyes look up and he thinks. And then he apologizes because he just can't remember. In 2005 Bob wrecked his Harley. His head was crushed and his arm was torn off. He was in a coma for a long time. When he woke up they had already reattached his arm and fixed his head but now he can't remember stuff. That's probably why his name is written in marker on all his clothes. His eyes water up as he tells me, "I just can't remember, I try but I can't. This causes arguments with my wife. She's having a hard time with this. I don't like arguing. I can't even remember what it is we are arguing about." He wanted to remember my name and he was going to write it down but, well, he forgot.

Bob told me a lot of interesting things. For instance, he knew the original Barbie and Ken. No, not the dolls, the people that the dolls were named for. He was friends with the Mattel family. Bob used to collect hot wheels. He tells me that few years back he decided to sell off some of his collection and made $108,000 in three hours. He must have spent that money though because on Monday he only had $4 to spend. He bought a small wooden plaque for twenty-five cents and a pack of wooden train coasters for seventy-five. They were for a friend.

I saw Bob again today. He likes the thrift store. Sometimes he just comes and puts puzzles together. I guess it's therapeutic. He is also in a support group for people with serious brain damage. He didn't remember my name. This time he wrote it down. He didn't have any paper but it's on his hand in big blue letters, St Vincent Dan. "Dave?", "No my name is Dan. It's nice to see you again Bob."

Friday, January 1, 2010

The Water Was Cold - Understatement of the Year

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"Shocking the circulatory system can produce a warm afterglow and a transcendental state that one literally needs to experience to fully understand."

What better way is there to start of a new year than with a quick swim? The sun was out and the air temperature was a brisk 20 degrees but with the winds it felt like 12. The water was a bit warmer measuring around 35 with a little ice around the beaches edge. Ah, the Polar Bear Plunge. Last year I missed it but this year I dived right in. After all, it was on my list of things to do. Now, I don't normally scream, I'm generally a rather quite guy. However, when I came up out of that water I let out a hearty scream, "ahhhhhhhhhh." Mind you, the average swimming pool temperature is around 81 degrees so to say that the water was cold would be quite the understatement. I must admit though, it was invigorating. When you come out of that water your heart rate speeds way up and your body goes into a temporary shock. My entire body felt instantly numb. Strangely, as I started to dry off, I didn't feel cold anymore. It was almost as if my body believed, even if for just a moment, that wet swimming trunks and no shirt were proper winter attire. I must say, doing the Polar Bear Plunge is a crazy thing to do and I have some very crazy friends. I give swimming in the freezing waters of Indiana a big two thumbs up.

CLICK HERE FOR The Chanel 5 News Story


Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Don't Be a Daytime Television Man Whore

So I'm off work today. I had some vacation days to kill so here I am. I spent most of the day buying and selling online but I kept the tv on in the background. One of those daytime talk shows came on and I didn't change it. It had just started and they were talking about some guy who created 4 babies with 4 different women in the same year. I don't think my reaction was typical because as soon as they said this I felt an overwhelming feeling of sorrow. It hit me so suddenly and so hard that I was a bit surprised. I muted the tv and choked back the tears. I felt so terrible for those poor children. Here their moms were acting like two bit sluts with this man whore and their kids were the ones who would pay the price. These kids will all grow up with out dads because their so called parents had the self discipline of dogs in heat. This isn't entertainment this is a tragedy. That show should have ended like another popular daytime television show. In the words of Bob Barker "Don't forget to get your dogs spayed and neutered."

Sunday, December 27, 2009

A Conversation about God

By happenstance I recently was reacquainted with a friend from high school on facebook. We both graduated from Central Baptist, a small private school. This is an interesting conversation for any of you who have ever questioned the existence of Jesus or of God himself. This is a long conversation but it's worth reading if you have questions about the historical Jesus or what to say when asked these questions. I don't have all the answers but I do my best. Here is the conversation that we had. It's not a private conversation being that it is posted on my facebook wall so am just re-posting it here.

Friend: wow i would've thought a smart guy like you would've seen the man behind the curtain by now...

Me: I have. Mark 15:38
(Mark 15:38 The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.)

Friend: ha ha humorous remark but an unfortunate resistance to reality.

Me: You are correct about one thing, I am a smart guy, ha ha. I also believe that most of religion (but not all) is indeed a ruse of sorts. Some do it for power, others money, but a lot are just misled. I would think that even you would agree that to discount all possibility of a higher power would also be an unfortunate resistance to reality. After all, universal statements can neither be proved nor disproved and the human mind is much to small to explain 99.9% of what exists. I believe that God is bigger than what I imagine him to be. If he is real than he has to be. If I were to argue for my beliefs, I would say that it is not based purely on history, science, and my small minds sense of logic but also upon my personal experience.

Friend: great retort my long lost friend. i shall retire briefly to compose my response.

Friend: certainly religion is a ruse in most cases, little more than an overgrown example of the ills of the traveling quack physician of centuries past. and certainly my knowledge and reason are lacking when faced with the all encompassing questions of the universe. while it seems fair to say that whatever started this ball o' rock a' spinning will never be answered in full detail while we yet breathe. never the less it also seems clear that there are prospective answers that are, how do i put this delicately, less than likely to be correct. one would have to agree that information coming from the time-frame in which most religions were started is highly suspect at best. but personally i believe that our parents hitched our sails to the most absurd of the lot. certainly the big three who start with abraham are similar enough to detest but the tale of christ is that of johnny applesseed or paul bunyan to me. or worse yet because the hero is not someone i could ever exalt and the evil to which he was sent to protect against was mild in comparison to the evil from whence he is said to have come.

Me: Well, I guess if I can get you to agree to be agnostic rather than atheist that's better than nothing. In an interesting side note, my father was an atheist for years before coming to Christ. He was neither convinced nor contrived into doing so. It didn't even happen at a church or with a street corner preacher. It came from personal experience in his car. Do you deny the existence of Jesus, the divinity of Jesus of or both? From a historic aspect the existence of Jesus is pretty well documented as far as 2,000 year old historical figures go.

Friend: yeah no doubt there was a man named jesus who did some crazy things and spoke some new concepts into an old world, but his divinity will never be anything but a joke to me. paul bunyan and johnny appleseed were real people too, but with time they became greater in stature and capability than any rational human being would believe, and yet for some reason greater attributes from a time further back are accepted and wars are started for the belief. to me this is the greatest absurdity of all time. i mean these people were stoning anyone who said the earth was round despite seeing the sun and moon "hanging" in the sky.

Me: Human nature, being what it is, will take anything, good or evil, and use it for self-enrichment. Rather that be the name of Jesus or saving the earth from pollution, anything is game. The difference between the examples you gave and Jesus is Jesus was written about in bigger than life terms by multiple writers within a relatively short period after his works were said to have been performed. They were written about not only by followers but also by Jewish and pagan historians. Not only was Jesus talked about as being perfect in the Gospels, it's writers showed themselves in an often less than flattering light. If the gospels were nothing more than a well written stories, why did the writers not make them selves also look better. What was the point. It is true though that proving the divinity of Christ is all but a futile argument.

Friend: i must have missed something there, who are these historians outside christianity that wrote about him? i have no doubt that an easily deceived writer may have believed what he wrote, just as i can see it in daily life as americans are easily deceived and fervently defend something to which they have no evidence. and if i may make so bold, the point was then as it is now and has ever been and likely will ever be, the almighty one: Gold.

Me: The most important one would be the Jewish historian Flavius Josephus. Some other ancient writers that talk about Jesus would be Cornelius Tacitus, Suetonius, Thallus, Pliny the Younger, and Lucian. The Jewish Talmud also talks about Jesus. Some are positive, some are negative but all reinforce the existence of Jesus as a historical figure. It's been a while since I've read any of them but I'm sure you could google what each one says.

Friend: i have now looked again upon that which i once read and again expected. in this list of writers there is no certainty gained, the Josephus text is widely considered fraudulent, tacitus and Pliny spoke only of the persecution of christians. lucian was born long after the fact and was considered a martyr as he was a christian. unless you are ... See Morereferring to a different lucian. and the seutonius remark is less than vague and fleeting in length. im not saying there wasn't a historical jesus, but none of these are good examples that there may have been. you should reread those i think,

Me: Pliny spoke of the persecution of Christians in the 1st century. Lucian was about 100 years after the fact but from what I read he was a pagan. I don't find the Seutonius remarks to be all that vague but I guess to each their own. As for Josephus, only the first reference to Jesus is debated, the second shorter reference which reads "the brother of... See More Jesus, who was called Christ."" is generally agreed to be untampered with. Of course there is also Mara Bar-Serapion, and The Babylonian Talmud. Also many of the places and characters in the New Testament have been confirmed accurate through archeology. I think you will find that most classical historians agree that Jesus did exist but like I said his divinity is unprovable.

Friend: yeah most of the references made were about the knowledge of an uprising and a persecution of its followers. again i say, undoubtedly, there was a man named jesus, but his capabilities and attributes are grossly exaggerated. just as there was likely a man named moses, and a man named muhammed but their true meaning is like to that of Martin Luther... See More King jr, great men with great deeds but not gods not saviors.
furthermore, even were the tale true, and the god of the old testament was truly the one god, still i would not bow for to me he is not worthy of praise in any manner. but i sleep well none the less, because there isn't even an inkling of doubt in me that this might be the one true way. why should god need money, all knowing, all powerful but he cant manage a bank account for some reason? why would jealousy be a sin but actively evidenced by god? there are not only too many questions with too few answers, the available answers are down right unfathomably offensive.

Me: This all leads to one key question. What is good, what is evil? Is there such a thing or is it all relative. Is man somehow born with a sense of right and wrong and if so why and how? Are there absolutes when morality is concerned and if so then why? What is your opinion on this seeing that you already know where I stand.

Friend: oh that's a bundle, gonna take a few at least.

Friend: well i certainly don't believe that there is an inherent notion of good and evil in us, where it is gained and how are matters for debate I'm sure. but i tend to lean on the nurture side of the argument. as for absolutes in morality, its tough to say i would say that situational ethics is a more viable choice. while it seems like it might be easy to think of an example of something that's always wrong, i don't know that that is enough. i don't claim any religion, but i would say that taoism lines up most closely to what i believe. i think perhaps if you read up on tao you will understand my perspective better. but i don't believe in the duality of good and evil or god and the devil.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

They Sell Bubble Bath at Kmart

That girl sure liked to talk. We talked and talked and talked, mostly about movies and rather or not the movie characters were real. In case you were wondering the talking fish in Finding Nemo are not real and neither is Batman who lives in Gothem, a pretend city. I was however at a loss as to how to describe what a robot is.
"I took a bath this morning." she informed me.
"Me too." I said.
"I took one with bubble bath." she excitedly proclaimed, "Did you take a bubble bath?"
"No I didn't" I admitted.
"Why nooooooot?" she inquired.
"Well, I don't have any bubble bath."
"They have it at Kmart." she informed me.
"Well then maybe I will have to buy some for next time." I smiled.

He shook my hand and then asked an important question. "Are you my buddy?"
"I sure am" I said.
"I love you, do you love me?" he wanted to know.
"Yes I do love you." I replied.

She was probably only 4 feet tall and walked bent over with a walker. I don't think she knew how to talk. She did however know how to laugh and that may be more important. She was fan of slapstick. When my mom accidentally dropped the Christmas tree on the floor she cracked up laughing. I really think she would enjoy watching the Three Stooges.

He didn't talk much. I didn't hear him say one word. He sure did enjoy music though. When the music came on he would hum along and sway side to side. He was good at swaying.

I don't remember much about her but I do know that she said that she wants a top hat for Christmas. A top hat, that's a great Christmas wish. Another guy said that he wanted popcorn for Christmas but personally I would rather have a top hat.

The only words that I heard him say were "bye." He walked with a bit of a sideways limp and he walked fast. High fives and asking the time were his things. He seemed excited and would often put his fist in his mouth. A nervous habit I suppose. He point out the window at the snow. "I like snow too" I would say. If he was sitting he wanted someone to sit next to him but most of the time he was walking. He really liked to walk.

I did puppets with my mom today at a home for the mentally disabled where she works. It was a Christmas party. Everyone likes a party. This was a new experience for me. It wasn't uncomfortable and it didn't feel strange, it was just different. I wonder what it's like to never grow up, for your mind to remain in a state of suspended animation. I felt a lot of emotions while I was there. I think most of them were happiness. I like seeing people smile. I was happy that they were happy and most of them looked happy.

Monday, December 21, 2009

21 Things I've Never Done

- I've never been to a Starbucks
- I've never owned a cell phone
- I've never drank a Red Bull
- I've never bungee jumped
- I've never had sex
- I've never carried health insurance
- I've never owned a pair of boxers
- I've never watched the movie Forest Gump
- I've never owned a car with electric windows
- I've never drank an alcoholic beverage
- I've never broken a bone
- I've never owned a brand new piece of furniture
- I've never been to the Newport Aquarium
- I've never used a cell phone to send a text message
- I've never played an organized sport
- I've never been hunting
- I've never taken a ride in a helicopter
- I've never been trick or treating
- I've never thrown a piece of garbage out of my car window
- I've never used my recycling bin
- I've never owned a dog

+ I've never given someone the finger

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Perspective

Perspective is:

I went bowling. My friends were celebrating because they broke 100 by getting multiple strikes in their last frame. The guy in the lane next to us was angry because he only got a 289.

A guy at the bowling ally told me that Great Clips could cut my hair for $5.99. He didn't mean for me to hear it. I did. I thought it was a great opportunity to start a conversation with a stranger.

While waiting in line for a ferry at Elis Island the line was cut off at me and my brother. I immediately let out a "Wohoo" and proclaimed "we're first in line."

I paid $2.50 to cross a bridge in New Jersey. I thought it was a great deal after paying $8 to cross a bridge in New York.

The auctioneer at the auction I went to a few weeks ago said he was going to be moving pretty fast. The people behind me said they couldn't understand a word he said. I left after an hour because he was so slow it made me want to scream.


I heard a lady at Kroger say that, "It's creepy as H*** when you open the refrigerator door at the grocery store to get some milk and you hear talking back there." My Dad says that if they are ever out of milk at the store you just open that door and yell back there, "Hey you guys have any more milk back there?"

One of the grocery store employees walked up to me the other day and called me Jesus. He then asked if I wanted to see his impression of the Virgin Marry. How could I refuse an offer like that. So, he took a large gold plate that he was holding and put it behind his head. Yep, that kind of looks like her.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

White People Don't Know Jack About Hats


Whatever happened to white people wearing cool hats? Remember Abraham Lincoln? Now that was a nice hat. There was a day when everyone wore hats. Women wore there wide rimmed sun bonnets and gentlemen wore their fedoras and derbys. But not anymore. White people just don't appreciate a good hat. This is however not the case with all the races. Black folks still understand what it is to wear a nice hat. I went to a predominantly black church last night and let me tell you, they know their hats. The women have hats, the men have hats and I even saw a baby wearing a nice hat. The men wore their fedoras and the women wore every matter of hat imaginable. Everywhere you looked people where wearing nice hats. Big hats, small hats, hats with flowers, hats with animal prints, hats that shined when the light hit them, and hats that were subtle accessories. Hats, hats, hats, everywhere nice hats. It's not like that with white folks though. The problem with white people is they only understand the ball cap. Sure, they will wear the ball cap and an adventurous few will sport a golf hat but that's about it. What is wrong with all of you white people? What do you have against wearing nice hats? Come one folks, remember Abraham Lincoln. Now that was a nice hat.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Who Asked You?

On facebook there is this silly application where people can answer question about you. Unfortunately I can't see who said what. Never the less, here are the questions and the answers given. I will correct the ones that need to be corrected.

1) Would Dan Thoms make a good spouse? Yes
(You know you want me don't ya you dark sexy stranger on facebook you.)

Do you think that Dan Thoms would look good in a bikini? No
(The correct answer to this is actually maybe. Wait, let me use my imagination, hmmmm, ok maybe not.)

Would you trust Dan Thoms with your life? Yes
(Hmmmm, well then, what shall I do with your life.)

Do you think Dan Thoms has ever pulled an all-nighter? Yes
(I actually never have. I was always one to study way too much and way in advance.)

Do you think that Dan Thoms swears like a sailor? No
(I did curse one time. Yep, just once, I think I was 12. I'm not going to tell you which word it was but it wasn't nice.)

Do you think that Dan Thoms smells? No
(This is half right because I smell of sweet sweet roses)

Do you think Dan Thoms is cool? Yes
(This was an obvious one)

Does Dan Thoms have a face only a mother could love? Yes
(Ok, whose the wise guy who answered this one? Whomever it was is obviously in love with me and is hiding that through insults.)

Do you think that Dan Thoms has showered today? Yes
(I took a bath. I think that counts. I'm not Brazilian though, so I don't shower twice a day. Dang fresh smelling Brazilians.)

Would you trust Dan Thoms with your life? Yes
(Sweeeet, another one)

Do you think that Dan Thoms is a freak? No
(Only at night because that's when the freaks come out)

Do you think that Dan Thoms is tone deaf? No
(I like to think of myself as tone disabled)

Do you think that Dan Thoms has ever lied to avoid a date? Yes
(Um, I don't remember ever doing this. I bet this was answered by either a very old friend or a family member)

Do you think that Dan Thoms has ever done anything they're ashamed of? No
(Yeaaaaa, um, stutter*, uh, yea this is the correct answer)

Do you think that Dan Thoms has ever lied in an interview? No
(Not only that I've gotten every job I've ever interviewed for.

Do you think that Dan Thoms has ever stolen money from their friends? Yes
(Sucker please, I don't need your money, I've got money.)

Do you think that Dan Thoms has ever gone to a strip club? No
(Correct, I have never gone to a strip club. Maybe I can steal my friends one dollar bills and take a trip though. Then again maybe not.)

Do you think that Dan Thoms has ever gone hunting? Yes
(Surprisingly, unless you count antique hunting, I have not)

Do you think that Dan Thoms has a deep dark secret? Yes
(Not one that you'll ever know.)

Do you think that Dan Thoms has ever given money to a homeless person? Yes
(True statement.)

Is Dan Thoms fun to be around? Yes
(Hooray for me.)