Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Todays Adventure

I live in a house down by the river. Up until today though, I had never gone down to the river. I've walked the tracks a few times but to get to the river you have to climb down another rather tall wall. Today I climbed the wall and walked the banks of the Ohio. Let me just say, its no Miami beach, there is quite a bit of trash down there and the smell is questionable at best. I quite enjoyed my little adventure though. There are some awesome pieces of drift wood down there, some of which I shall drag home at a later date. The coolest thing was the giant sewer pile that I found. I know your not supposed to wonder into strange, dark places but hey, that's what I do. I also found an old ladder that at one time was attached to the side of a train car. It's 5ft tall and weighs a ton. Ok, not a ton but my postal scale says it weights 40lbs. I took it home. Walking half a mile on the tracks with a 40lb ladder do is quite exhilarating. Ha ha, I lie, my neck is killing me. It's not exhilarating at all. I put the ladder to good use though. Now I have an easy way to climb on top of my shed. Its a lovely place to just lie there and stair at the stars.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

St. Patrick's Day Blog

Have you ever overheard a conversation that just made you say, "huh." Yesterday, while doing my Monday shopping at the Colerain St. Vincent De'Paul thrift shop I had a real huh moment. There were 3 teenage boys, all friends, shopping the clothes racks. One of the kids was around 6 foot tall, the other 5'11 and the third 4'11. The big fellows were apparently shopping for the little fellow. They wanted to buy him a green suit jacket. That's right folks, they wanted to dress him up as a leprechaun for St. Patrick's Day. Or, as the one fellow put it, "a St. Patrick's Day midget." They were envisioning this little guy doing "little jigs" in the hallways of their school dressed like a leprechaun. That doesn't sound politically correct. That leaves me with only one thing to say, "Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone."

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Who does your Shopping?

So who does your shopping? After I was finished shopping tonight I looked at my cart and discovered something. I don't shop. The 5 year old that lives inside of me shops. What in the world? I bought cookies, cheeze its, cheetos, lemonade cups, sherbet, 9 things of ice cream, 4 cakes, and 5 microwave meals. Oh, and I bought cheese, bread and a pineapple. Those are adult items to buy, right?

Here are some bonus pictures of a sandwich that I made last week.

Here is half of that sandwich in front of my face.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

This has to be a Record

Three weeks in a row. I was told that it was highly unlikely. I mean, what are the chances? 3 weeks in a row one of the kids that I have brought to church has vomited. Every time a different child. Every time a different place. This week it was in the back seat of my car. I'm installing motion sickness bags next week as a preventive measure. 4 weeks in a row? That's impossible, right? In the child's defense he is only 4 years old and he did tell me that he was going to throw up. In my defense, he says that every week just to mess with me and then smiles and laughs.

"Did you eat spaghetti Michale?"
"No, I ate soup?"
"Are you sure?"
"Did it have noodles in it that look like spaghetti?"

Ok, the boy ate spaghetti. The proof was all over the floor of my car. He should probably focus on chewing up his food better. It kind of looked like Cincinnati style chili. It sure didn't smell like chili though. The blue vomit is still my favorite.

This time the spewing, happened before church so we had to turn around and go back home. We dropped the boy off and the two girls and me continued onward to church. Oh, and then I got pulled over by the cops for a bunch of minor violations, 4 violations to be exact. No ticket though (the record stands pulled over 8 times, 2 tickets). The fact that the two little girls kept saying how much they loved police men couldn't have hurt my case. "Hello Mr. Police man." Strangely I was still on time for the service. As it turns out I accidentally left 30 minutes early because I forgot what time church starts. I only go every week. I'm trying to decide if I'm incredibly unlucky or incredibly lucky. I'm going to say lucky. Yea, lucky.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Do You Speak the English?

Have you ever wondered what it must be like to live in a strange land? How it must feel to speak a foreign language so badly that everyone is constantly asking you to repeat yourself. I know that feeling. I experience it every time I call a large companies customer service line. The computer will pick up the phone and ask me some simple questions. I know the answers.

"I'm sorry I don't understand your answer. Please try again."
"I'm sorry I don't understand your answer. Please try again."
"I'm sorry I don't understand your answer. Do you have a speech impediment. Perhaps your mentally retarded. Can you speak the English?"

Ok so the computer doesn't start insulting me or questioning my mental capacity. Even without that though, the whole experience is always quite exasperating. Do I have some sort of strange accent? I always start off saying the word in my normal voice and then I try to carefully pronounce the word the second time and the third time, well I try saying the word in an aggravated tone. That normally doesn't work either. A lot of times I just give up and lay on the pound button until the computer also gives up and transfers me to a live operator, an operator who speaks the English.