Friday, May 30, 2008

Pole Bearer

There are very few things in life more agonizing than watching your Grandma weep at her mothers funeral. My great Grandma Freda was 98 years old and today I had the honor of being one of her pole bearers. She left behind one daughter, 9 grand kids, 25 great grand kids, and 6 great great grandkids.

Its funny because as long as I can remember my great grandma was old. My little (she was 4'11) old grandma. Great grandma was fun, we would go to the fair with her, the zoo and of course Canal Days at Metamora village. She was incredibly independent and after her husbands death in 1970 lived the next 30+ years on her own. Even well into her 80s she was still riding the spinning, whirling fair rides that make me sick (and my mom, she threw up after riding one with my grandma, grandma was fine and laughing). She was also the only women that I've ever known who never got her drivers license because she grew up driving a horse. She had almost a 100 years worth of stories and I loved hearing them. As she lived out her last couple years in a nursing home I've been told that she was still as witty as ever. My great grandma was awesome. Last time I saw her she was a bit confused but still kind enough to tell me that she did not like my hair. Well grandma, I got it cut. I'll show it too you when I see you next.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Subway (the happy version)

Last night I had a dream. And in that dream I was eating a Subway sandwich. Now mind you, I never thought or proclaimed that dream to be prophetic in any way. It was just a lovely dream. Upon arrival at work today I had no intention of re-visiting my lovely neighbors, the purveyors of sandwiches as they were. But let me tell you my friends, dreams do come true. As I type this I am eating a foot long. You see, just as I was about to go on lunch break when a rush order came about, vehicle letters. Seeing that they were interrupting what would have been my lunch time, the friendly customer offered to tip me. I said that that wasn't necessary but after insisting on buying me a sub, I gave in. Thank you God for this free food, Amen.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Tearing Down the Neighborhood

Do you know Arlon Brown? Yea, me neither. Apparently he has a thing for the houses on my street, River Road. Not all of the houses though, just the ones numbered 2500-2800 (I own 2668). At least I assume that he likes them. After all, he has bought over 30 pieces of property (only 50 more to go). He pays the owners well (I estimate $1.5 million so far). Did I mention that he also buys under the name Collins Riverside Development LLC? Good old Arlon is persistent. He keeps knocking at my next door neighbors door with new offers. My neighbor says no but he’ll sell, they’ll all sell. Well, maybe not everyone. I have no plans on moving (an anonymous City Council member may or may not have indirectly advised me to hold on to my house). After all, I want to live next door to Harbor Lights, thats what they will be calling the high rise condominiums that will be replacing the 150 year old houses on my street. I’m not complaining though. I want to live next to people who can afford to buy a $500,000 condo. I just hope that they have a pool. Rich neighbors with a pool, thats what I want. Shoot, I’d take poor neighbors with a pool. Maybe I should just buy a pool. Eh, I guess I’ll just settle for a nice long bath.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


It was the best coupon for fast food that I had ever seen. "Look at this," I told my co-workers, "This is the best coupon ever." It was amazing and we just got it in the mail. Buy any drink and get a 1ft Subway for $1. So, with excitement in my heart and a spring in my step, I walked next door to Subway. I'll take a roast beef sub, I proclaimed. I picked out my bread, "Put everything on it." I was smiling on the inside because I was about to get the deal of a lifetime. I ordered a small Sprite and handed the girl my coupon. "That will be $6.95," she said. "Um, what about the coupon?" I stammered. Another employee came to her rescue, "Oh, the owner said he didn't approve that coupon so we aren't accepting it." I was crushed, their address was listed on the promotion. They tricked me. "oh, ok then, um. I guess I won't be getting that sandwich then." I walked back to work, empty handed and confused. "I knew that it was too good to be true," I muttered. I wrote Subway a semi angry letter straight away. That was the first time that I had been to that Subway and I have worked two doors down from them for 3 years. If this happened to you would you pay for the sandwich? I think its the principle of the thing. Maybe its just me though.

Monday, May 12, 2008

I'm in Love

There she was, just sitting there across the room. She was so beautiful, so slim and so stylish. I lusted after her, to make her my own. She was 26 years old and I longed to hear her salutary sweet voice echoing across my home. I wanted to take her home, to steal here away. But alas, she belonged to to someone else. That was months ago. I tried not to think about her. Maybe some day she would become available but until then I would just settle for what I could get. Friday was that day. There she was, again, just sitting there not saying a word next to the garage. I stepped closer to examine her armless body. No arm, amazing. She was fun, able to play even when standing on her side or upside down. And that optoelectronic sensor and linear-tracking, amazing. Ryan said that he would let me have her for a deal. Alas she was mine, my love, my SL-10. Thanks Ryan, you make my dreams come true.
Her Picture

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

When I was 26 (aka the Birthday Blog)

When I was 26 I learned (aka The Birthday Blog)

When I was 26 I learned that...
* even though I'm not a great handyman, with the right instructions, tools, materials and a lot of patience and my dad I can do almost anything to my house that needs to be done.
* rejection stinks but its part of taking risks and is far from the end of the world.
* if your deep freezer stops working then try plugging it into another outlet because it may not be broken. (thanks Dad, I think I need to clean the mold out of my deep freezer now)
* even with my pony tail gone, people still recognize me.
* I don't need to wait.
* your never to young to die.
* if you put too much oil in a pan and then insert something frozen you are likely to set your kitchen on fire.
* being in my mid-twenties has been ok, being in my late twenties is not ok.
* I can do anything and I shouldn't doubt myself.
* pizza plus meatloaf equals a great sandwich.
* couse couse is good.
* I'm awesome (ok that one I already knew)
* The Gap outlet is a great place to buy pants.