Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Isolaphobia

Some times I think that I may suffer from a slight case of isolaphobia. A phobia, me? But I've always considered myself to be quite fearless. Spiders, dark alleys, and death, they don't phase me. I've jumped out of a plane at two miles high and have braved the rapids in the Colorado rockies. Most people are afraid of loosing their job and public speaking, not me. I'm fine with loosing my job and as for public speaking, not a problem. There is one thing though, one thing that causes me anxiety, being alone, isolaphobia.

When I first moved out of my parents house 4 years ago it was bad. I was so used to living with 6 other people that the prospect of silence was overwhelming. I can remember sitting in my apartment wishing that there was someone to tell about my day. I've gotten over that to some degree but it still bothers me on occasion. Seeing that I'm an introvert this seems kind of contradictory in my mind. Why do I have such intense hunger for human interaction? Last night, after being home for only a hour and a half I found myself on my way to my parents house to talk and watch a movie. It was good, it was fun but why did I need that? I didn't even eat dinner that night because my hunger for people was greater than my hunger for food. Perhaps if I hadn't grown up with so many people I wouldn't have grown so accustomed to this heightened level of interaction. I've currently managed to schedule myself so that I am with other people 5-6 days a week. I didn't schedule all of those activities with that intent purpose but I can't help but to think that somehow, someway, my subconscious did. What is the solution to this quandary? Do I need to just get over it? Do I need to except the fact that I may forever live alone in this solitude? I'm not sure what the answer is but as Winnie the Pooh would say, "Oh bother."

2 comments:

Ryan Detzel said...

5 words Dan: We were made for this.

I'll make you hang out with me whether you like it or not.

Steve said...

I know where you live. I'll come find you.