Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Why I Hate Grocery Shopping

I walk through the door and am immediately confronted with my first decision. Only two choices, cart of basket? Will I be buying much? Will any of those items be heavy? I pick the cart. That was easy. I arrive in the produce section. Should I buy apples.

"Last time you bought apples you didn't eat them all. Don't buy apples." I say to myself.
"Maybe I'll just buy two apples. But buying an entire bag is cheaper. No, just two apples. Wait, which apples are cheaper? I don't know what the difference is between these apples. I wonder which ones are cheaper. I'll just buy the cheap ones and hope for the best." I am confident that I can eat two apples.

The pressure in my head is starting to build. My eyes widen and I grip my cart a little tighter. Where to next? I try to remember what it was that I needed. Do I have rice? Am I out of mustard? No, it was toilet paper. I scan the prices trying to determine the best deal. Wait, here it is, the cheapest toilet paper. But no, wait, they are only one ply and I have to have two. The large packs seem to be cheaper per roll so I concentrate my energy on them. I'm now gritting my teeth. My eyes feel like they are drying out. Why aren't these all priced per ply? How am I supposed to figure out which is cheaper? Single roll, double roll, single roll? I wonder how much toilet paper costs at Walmart? I hate shopping.

As I leave the paper isle I can't help but to wonder if someone is going to hit my cart. It's practically a blind turn. I make it but just barely. I browse the packaged meats. I wonder if the deli turkey is cheaper but it is on the opposite side of the store? I can't remember what the online ad said. Are any of the deli meats on sale? Wait, do I need soap? I passed the soap isle 6 isles ago. I now have a headache. I try to take deep breaths and start repeating the same phrase to myself over and over. "It's going to be ok. It's going to be ok."

There are too many people here and this store is too big. I look in my cart and am disappointed with my decisions thus far. 5 pizzas, ice-cream, pop-tarts, apple jelly, toilet paper, 2 apples, a 12 pack of jello, and a pie. Why does my cart always look like I'm buying for a very small party? My entire body is tense. I can feel the pressure in my chest building. I don't feel like I have much food in my cart but I'm ready to go so I check out. I hope I don't have to do this again any time soon. Wait, ketchup, that's what I needed. Oh well, I guess I'll just eat my hot dogs with mustard. I should have bought some bread.


Faith said...

Make a list, silly.

Karen said...

Here's some tips on shopping, from a shopping guru.
-Get the brauburn apples (or gala), And never the bagged ones...they always taste like crap. Keep them in your refrigerator fruit bin, in the plastic bag you placed them in, in the grocery store. They will last about 2 months that way. When you want to eat them, always slice one up (skin on), and eat it with a colby/jack cheese stick. DELICIOUS every me.
-Two ply always for me too!
-Check the unit price of tells you how much you are paying per oz, regardless of actual price, and many times, the regularly packaged items can be less per unit than the bulk.
-Never shop while hungry
-(as Faith says) make a list, silly
-Add some "little cuties" tangerines to that won't be disappointed...Unless of course, you choose sour ones. :-)
-Perhaps with the party choices you made, vitamins might be in order as well. Just saying.

Helen Ann said...

Who knew that of all the things in the world it would be grocery shopping that could ruffle The Dan.

I agree with Karen - apples and cheese are a fabulous combo...I prefer Jonagold apples and Golden Delicious.

Helen Ann said...

Oh, yes, and definitely make a list...Put a blank piece of paper on your fridge and jot down items that you need as you go about your week. Then just take the paper with you when you go to de stowe.