Friday, November 26, 2010

Top Ten Best/Worst Times to Fart

I'm sure that this list will be incredibly helpful for everyone out there when faced with the question, "Should I fart now?" After all, there are good times to fart and there are bad times to fart.

Special thanks to my sisters Grace and Hope, my Mom, and my aunt Lynda, who just happened to call when we were writing this list.

Top 10 Best Times to Fart
10. When sitting next to a large dog
9. When exiting an elevator
8. When touring a cheese factory
7. While socializing with a group of Senior Citizens at a retirement home
6. When taking out the trash
5. When holding a baby
4. While lounging in a Jacuzzi
3. When walking past a restroom that is in use
2. While standing in a large crowd of people
1. When you are all by yourself sitting in a wide open field

Top 10 Worst Times to Fart
10. As the bride walks in at a wedding
9. Standing in a crowded Elevator
8. Sitting in a helicopter
7. During the eulogy at a funeral
6. Doing the back float in a swimming pool
5. During confession
4. While slow dancing at your Senior Prom
3. While proposing to your girlfriend (or while being proposed to)
2. When hiding from the police under your bed
1. Anywhere where people can smell and or hear it


Karen said...

Oh Oh you forgot one....Best time to fart: When walking briskly down a grocery isle, especially if someone else is behind you, innocently looking at items to purchase.

Karen said...

And one more best time: When holding a cute little baby. You can always hold the baby up, and say, "I think he needs a change"

Worst time: When you're "dressed to impress", during an interview, when getting a professional body massage, or meeting the in-laws.

Too bad we can't just put farting on our checklists, and do it when we have time to check off the list.

Sue said...

this is funny!! Add to worst time: when you think it`s a dry one but it turns into a ¨shart¨ :-) ewww gross!!