Thursday, November 12, 2009

A guide on How to Deal with the Paparazzi

Now mind you I have never at any point in my life been famous. No one makes a living taking pictures of me in awkward situations. If I want people to see me in awkward or embarrassing situations I have to take the pictures myself and then post them on facebook. Even though I ma in no way qualified to do so, I have written the following guide on how to deal with the Paparazzi.

1) Make them homemade cookies. Put laxatives in the homemade cookies

2) Everyone has a mom. Get the name and phone numbers of the paparazzi's moms and then call their mothers and complain about how their sons are bothering you.

3) Drive a 1986 Honda. When the paparazzi recognizes you say your flattered but your someone else and hit them up for gas money.

4) Hire someone to follow them around taking pictures.

5)Invite the paparazzi over to take pictures of your new baby. When they get there insist that they agreed to babysit, give them $10 for pizza and go see a movie.

6) Give them photography advice and insist that they are doing it all wrong.

7) Travel with a fat guy who walks backwards in front of you mooning the paparazzi.

8) Answer all of their questions using the Socratic method.

9) Where a hijab.

10) Only travel with people who are much more famous and interesting than you.

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