Thursday, December 29, 2011

A Yuppies Guide to Rap Music (A top 10 list of Rap Music Themes)

Many of you have by now probably heard of a new musical style known as "the rap music." As I am sure that none of you are interested in listening to said music I have taken it upon myself to share with you a little about this emerging genre. The following is a list of the most common themes found in said "rap music." I hope that you find this list as helpful as I did when relating to those in the "ghetto" culture.

10. Their relationships with Friends and Family
9. Acts of civil disobedience
8. Illegal substances such as "the weed"
7. Having fun at a friend's house or a local establishment
6. Their favorite color of rag (as to what they do with these rags still remains a mystery to us)
5. Diversifying their investments in things such as automobiles and precious metals
4. Drinks made of Alcohol and the many ways by which to consume them
3. Entrepreneurship, the act of making "the Benjamins"
2.Their Female associates and the many activities that they participate in
1. Their current and past position on the socioeconomic ladder and their many feelings relating to such

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Why I Hate Grocery Shopping

I walk through the door and am immediately confronted with my first decision. Only two choices, cart of basket? Will I be buying much? Will any of those items be heavy? I pick the cart. That was easy. I arrive in the produce section. Should I buy apples.

"Last time you bought apples you didn't eat them all. Don't buy apples." I say to myself.
"Maybe I'll just buy two apples. But buying an entire bag is cheaper. No, just two apples. Wait, which apples are cheaper? I don't know what the difference is between these apples. I wonder which ones are cheaper. I'll just buy the cheap ones and hope for the best." I am confident that I can eat two apples.

The pressure in my head is starting to build. My eyes widen and I grip my cart a little tighter. Where to next? I try to remember what it was that I needed. Do I have rice? Am I out of mustard? No, it was toilet paper. I scan the prices trying to determine the best deal. Wait, here it is, the cheapest toilet paper. But no, wait, they are only one ply and I have to have two. The large packs seem to be cheaper per roll so I concentrate my energy on them. I'm now gritting my teeth. My eyes feel like they are drying out. Why aren't these all priced per ply? How am I supposed to figure out which is cheaper? Single roll, double roll, single roll? I wonder how much toilet paper costs at Walmart? I hate shopping.

As I leave the paper isle I can't help but to wonder if someone is going to hit my cart. It's practically a blind turn. I make it but just barely. I browse the packaged meats. I wonder if the deli turkey is cheaper but it is on the opposite side of the store? I can't remember what the online ad said. Are any of the deli meats on sale? Wait, do I need soap? I passed the soap isle 6 isles ago. I now have a headache. I try to take deep breaths and start repeating the same phrase to myself over and over. "It's going to be ok. It's going to be ok."

There are too many people here and this store is too big. I look in my cart and am disappointed with my decisions thus far. 5 pizzas, ice-cream, pop-tarts, apple jelly, toilet paper, 2 apples, a 12 pack of jello, and a pie. Why does my cart always look like I'm buying for a very small party? My entire body is tense. I can feel the pressure in my chest building. I don't feel like I have much food in my cart but I'm ready to go so I check out. I hope I don't have to do this again any time soon. Wait, ketchup, that's what I needed. Oh well, I guess I'll just eat my hot dogs with mustard. I should have bought some bread.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Friggan Awesome Blog

This Blog is Rated PG-13 (only slightly though)

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, what do all of these words have in common? If you said that they all end with the word "day" than congratulations, your mom would be proud. But there is a second but perhaps less obvious answer. All of these words were created to honor gods. For example, Friday was named after Frigga, the goddess of married love. I know what you're probably thinking, "that's pretty Friggan awesome," and I would agree.

Do you have a friend with a venereal disease? On second thought, don't answer that. "Venereal" is however yet another example of an ancient god in modern culture. The word "venereal" is named after the goddess Venus, the god of sexual love. I know that the thought of venereal diseases in unpleasant so for just a can find an example of yet another ancient god. Horus, his entire body didn't make the cut but his eye does make a guest appearance on the back of the one dollar bill.

Do you celebrate Easter, ever been to Minerva, Ohio, seen a show performed at the Apollo Theater, eaten a Mars candy bar, had a muse, ever had something made of vulcanized rubber, or suffered a panic attack? All of these things were named after ancient gods.

So the question is this, as a Christian do I need to either rename all of these things or never again, eat a Mars candy bar, celebrate Easter, feel the emotion of panic, call the days of the week by their names, get a venereal disease or go anywhere named Minerva? Now, the last part may be easy because Minerva Ohio is over 200 miles away, and not getting a venereal disease is just a good idea in general but the rest of these things may prove to be rather inconvenient. After all, Minerva Kentucky is much closer and I don't know what to call Sunday if I can't call it Sunday anymore. I could try to give it a Christian name and call it Jesusday but I'm afraid that may just confuse people. So what is the solution?

The apostle Paul put it this way in 1 Corinthians 8
"So then, about eating food sacrificed to idols: We know that “An idol is nothing at all in the world” and that “There is no God but one.” For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many “gods” and many “lords”), yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live. But not everyone possesses this knowledge. Some people are still so accustomed to idols that when they eat sacrificial food they think of it as having been sacrificed to a god, and since their conscience is weak, it is defiled. But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do."

In other word's, it doesn't matter. The issue is not if you call it Friday, or Easter but rather do you worship the goddess Frigga or the goddess Easter? If you can say no than feel free to keep the names because it doesn't matter. As Paul would say, eat but worship but worship the true God.

Monday, November 28, 2011

I Got What Ya Want, I Got Wat Ya Need

I'm single and facebook knows it. It's my fault, I told them. Apparently facebook finds this to be a correctable problem though because a high percentage of my personalized ads are for dating sights. "Single and looking?" "Mature women," "Single Parents," they have them all. "Looking for a Relationship in Cincinnati," Yea that's right, they know where I live too. It's my fault, I told them.

But what if I were engaged? How would that change facebooks view of me. Yesterday I changed my relationship status to engaged. And what was the new facebook ad of choice? Credit Cards. I must admit, I found this to be both amusing and slightly disturbing. Apparently facebook thinks that I can't afford to get married. Just in case marriage is affordable facebook has also suggested that perhaps I should also get a new car. I'm not sure about this whole being engaged thing. Being engaged is starting to get expensive and I haven't even found the girl yet. Maybe I'll go back to being single. At least those ads had pictures of unrealistically attractive "girls in my area."

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Breastplate of Laser Tag

And another fun filled 5-8th grade Thrive class has come to an end. We spent 10 weeks playing games, doing worksheets, acting silly, eating snacks, and most importantly learning about the armor of God. This week, to celebrate, we all went to Skallywags and played three games of laser tag. There were 11 kids and me. Laser tag is fun. It is fun if your a kid and it is fun if your an adult. The first team we played were the latter and we destroyed them. Quite frankly I was surprised at how well the kids did. The second game they split us in half and the third we once again played the young adults as a team.

We lost. The grown ups beat us this time, kind of. They cheated. They cheated a lot. One of their players in particular covered his front target with a sweatshirt and turned his back one so that it was facing inward. Quite frankly I was surprised. The guy who was running the place asked him multiple times to fix it but to no avail. After the game ended I found out that some of their other players were grabbing the kids vests and then shooting them. Nearly every one of my kids came out of the game saying the same thing, "Wow, they cheated." The guy who was running the place apologized for the other teams behavior. It's too bad that the other team wasn't in Thrive because if the had been they would know about a piece of equipment that was much better than a laser tag vest. It's called a Breastplate of Righteousness. Luckily all of my kid were wearing theirs and choose to do the right thing. They didn't retaliate by cheating, they didn't call names and they didn't complain. They left smiling knowing who really won. No matter what the numbers said, the kids won the last game because they chose to do the right thing.

TV Hot List

Now and again people ask me what kind of girl I am looking for. I don't know how to answer that question. None the less, here are some lovely ladies from TV that I find attractive. A large percentage of what I find attractive about them is their personalities (or at least the ones that they protray on their respective shows). This is a short list because I don't particularly like most of the ladies on TV. These are in no specific order.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Because Every Little Girl Should Have a Doll

Being a kids pastor I get the opportunity to talk to so many amazing children. Children are so often underestimated. Their passion is written off and their ideas ignored. After all, they are just kids. But they aren't "just" kids. Kids aren't just potentially good adults. Kids can be great right now.

There is one little girl in my class who had a big idea. You see, there are little girls in the hospital who don't have any dolls, and every little girl should have a doll. So she had an idea. She would knit hats and scarves. She makes them for dolls and she makes them for people. For $10 you get a set. For every $100 she earns she buys an American Girl Doll and gives it to a little girl in the hospital who doesn't have one. So far she has bought 2 or 3 dolls.

Her dad told me that this was all her idea. It's a big idea that could have been blown off. After all, she is just a kid. But with the support of her parents she is doing it. She is changing the world one American Girl doll at a time. I can't wait to get my hat.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Bowling with Bumpers

I’m not a good bowler. In fact, I’m quite terrible. Not only am I not good at it, my friends mock my bowling style. They say I look like a monkey. I’ll never forget years ago when I took a girl bowling for our first date and I bowled a 55. I’m lucky I got a second date after a performance like that. I never did get a third date though, she got engaged and not to me. If only I had bowled with bumpers.

Saturday, for the first time in my life I did just that, I bowled with bumpers and it was great. No more embarrassing gutter balls. Sure, I still bowl like a limp wristed orangutan but the results are now quite different. Now instead of getting gutter balls I hit the pins. And it’s not that I don't deserve the gutter balls. I do. While I was bowling I couldn’t help but think about the concept of Grace.
Grace is getting something great even though you don’t deserve it. Grace isn’t earned. Grace is bouncing your bowling ball off of the bumper and getting a strike.Thank God for bumpers, thank God for grace.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Making Money Online - Profit Margin

So you say you want to make money online? It's possible, I make a living selling online. But if you do it incorrectly you can loose more than you make. Let's look at a little something called profit margin. In this blog we will focus on the 3 major online markets for resale to a national market.

Let's say you have a CD that you don't listen to anymore and you would like to sell it and get a few bucks. If you sell the CD for $9.99 how much do you make? Let's break it down.

Sale Price: $9.99
Listing Fee: $.50 (30 day buy it now sale )
Finale Value Fee: $1.30
Paypal Fee: $.59
Profit: $7.60

Sale Price: $9.99
Listing Fee: None
Finale Value Fee: $1.50
Profit: $8.49

Sale Price: $9.99
Listing Fee: None
Finale Value Fee: $ 3.29
Profit: $6.70

As you can see there is a large discrepancy between how much you make when you sell your CD on Amazon vs Half vs Ebay. But there's more. Amazon credits you $2.98 for shipping a CD while Half only credits you $2.39. On eBay you get to set your own shipping cost. But even after taking that into account Half is still by far the best value for selling your $9.99 CD.

But what if you don't want to sell a $9.99 CD? What if you want to sell a $999 flat screen television that you got for Christmas but never took out of the box. Half doesn't sell flat screen tv's so they aren't an option. That leaves you picking between ebay and amazon. Let's break it down.

Sale Price: $999
Listing Fee: $.50 (30 day buy it now sale )
Finale Value Fee: $54.45
Paypal Fee: $.29.27
Profit: $915.28

Sale Price: $9.99
Listing Fee: None
Finale Value Fee: $81.36
Profit: $917.64

In this instance it looks like Amazon is the best choice. But is it? What about shipping? Amazon sets a flat cost for shipping while ebay allows you to calculate it by the buyers distance. In this instance Ebay is still most likely the better value. So, is your head now hurting from all of these numbers? You're probably asking yourself "How am I supposed to figure this all out?" It's easy. There are calculators that do it for you and here they are. Now go make some money.

eBay Fees Calculator
Half Fees Calculator
Amazon Fees Calculator

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Famous IQs

The IQs of Famous People:

Muhammad Ali

Andy Warhol

George Bush Sr.

Howard Stern

Janeane Garofalo
Ronald Reagan

Al Franken

Kobe Bryant

Courtney Cox

George W. Bush
John Kerry

Jodie Foster
Nicole Kidman

John McCain

Al Gore

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Bill Clinton

Hillary Rodham Clinton

Steve Martin

Scott Levy "Raven"

Rush Limbaugh

Ben Sten
Bill O'Reilley

Bill Gates

Paul Allen

Sharon Stone

Jimmy Carter

Stephen William Hawking
Quinton Tarantino

Bobby Fischer

Philip Emeagwali

Friday, August 5, 2011

A Cowboy hat kind of Day

Today I wore a cowboy hat to the park. It just felt like a cowboy hat kind of day. Plus I was going to a Westside festival (The Delhi Skirt Game) and I didn't want to blend in. Heaven forbid anyone mistake me for a regular Westsider. I'm not really a regular anything though so I guess that's a given. I saw a ton of people that I knew, some that I recognized and some that were dressed in drag. When a guy in a wig and makeup waves at you and says remember me from church it can catch you a bit off guard. I did remember him but it took me a couple of minutes because I had to re-imagine him without the blond wig, eye makeup and skirt. I even met some new people which is something I tend to do. The cowboy hat helps with that as well.

Fast forward to the end of the night because the rest was pretty uneventful. I was leaving. You're not allowed to live there because it's a park and those are the rules. I was getting close to my car when I started to pass by a large group of teenagers. The guys were angry and the girls were antagonistic. If you know me well than you know I have a strict, "no fighting in front of Dan," rule so I stopped to observe. I'm a bit ADD so after about 30 seconds I quit observing and got involved. I talked the one guy down and got yelled at by a very angry teenager girl. That girl was day time television material. I can't remember exactly what she said but it was something along he lines of, "You don't know me." which coincidentally I agree with. One of the other girls told me that she liked my hat. I liked her better. Another guy started yelling at the casual observers to walk away. This was the perfect opportunity to tell him about my rule. "You do understand that I can't walk away and let a couple of kids punch each other. I just can't let that happen." He assured me that it wouldn't. He seemed like a nice kid but I didn't believe him.

I'm pretty good with angry teenagers. You would be surprised what you can do with the right words, a Cowboy hat and an excessive amount of confidence. The first guy started to walk away only to be pursued by the antagonist. He got up in his face and challenged him in the typical punk kid way, "hit me, go ahead, you flexin? hit me." Apparently, "flexin," is a term used to describe the act of trying to impress a girl. I kind of like that term. It reminds me of a couple of gorillas banging their chests but I regress.

I needed to go home so this was as good a time as any to put this situation to rest. I stepped in between them and said with my best authoritative voice, "Walk away. Both of you, walk away." I pointed just in case either of them were unclear as to were away was. And that was that. Since I made them both walk away, no one lost and both of them saved face. It was the perfect solution. Then, I went home.

Monday, July 25, 2011

That Feeling

I'm not sure how to describe that feeling. Some people live for it. They seek it out at all costs. When your young you feel it much more often. Some people, when they get older, they go so long without it that they forget what it's like. It's something very similar to nervousness, a knot in the stomach. Your heart rate goes up, the adrenaline pumps through your body and you can't think about anything else. Tunnel vision ensues. There it is, you want it, you need it. But it's not yours yet. There needs to be a plan. There will be risk. There has to be risk, but how much? How much risk is acceptable? And let us not forget about the competition. There has to be. It's part of the game. It lends to the excitement, it heightens the thrill. But will you get it? Will this feeling end in victory or bitter defeat? Both are distinct possibilities. Neither can be ruled out. Only time will tell but until then, the feeling.

Sometimes I forget that that feeling exists and other times I can't get rid of it. I love that feeling, I hate that feeling. And when you least expect it, it manifests. Do you ever get that feeling?

Wednesday, July 6, 2011


It was one of the more eerie experiences in my life. It happened years ago but I still remember it. I was getting ready to pull out of a parking lot but was waiting on the car in front of me. Then, out of nowhere I had this thought, "I'm glad I'm not them because they are getting ready to wreck their car."The y pulled out, and BAM a car hit them. Was it just a strange coincidence or did I actually know? Are premonitions real and where do they come from?

Sunday, June 26, 2011

How do you make a paragraph break on facebook

How do you make a paragraph break on facebook?
Hold the shift key while you push Enter


Although it may be hard to believe, when I was a kid I was very shy. I was a nice kid and I was a smart kid but I was not a popular kid. Being small and timid I was an easy target for bullies. I can still remember most of my bullies. I had church bullies and I had neighborhood bullies. I'm not sure which were worse. Bullies, at times, made life miserable.

They say that everything in life, both good and bad, helps to shape who you are and I am no exception. At a very young age, in reaction to being bullied, I can remember saying to my parents, "When I'm big I'm going to be nice to little kids." Even as a little kid I realized that bullying was a vicious cycle that I wanted no part of.

I recently asked my mom why she thought I quit being shy and she told me, "At some point you just decided that you liked who you were and you didn't really care what other people thought."
I remember I started to quit caring in my teenage years. I came to grips that I was never going to be like everyone else and that wasn't a defect. I was who I was and I was awesome. There was no real ah ha moment for me. I guess it was just a matter of gradually gaining confidence. Outgrowing my bullies helped as well. As a teenager I expressed my individuality through my comics, they were strange, and the way I dressed which wasn't quite main stream. I was a little punk rock, a little goth and a lot Dan. But, I was still pretty shy.

At around 18 I started doing a little bit of public speaking. I would sub in and teach Sunday School occasionally which progressed into teaching in my youth group and then later at youth conferences. As it turned out I enjoyed being in front of people. Also at around that same age I joined my churches drama team which really helped me to come out of my shell. I had been performing in front of people since I was 12 but I was always in a costume or behind a stage with a puppet. Now people could see me and I liked it. As time when by I became more and more outgoing. I don't think I became as outgoing as I am today until I was in my early 20s. I guess I was a late bloomer. I was eccentric, I was funny, I did my own thing, I was the Dan. Hi, my name is Dan and I'm not very shy.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Top 10 Things your Facebook Status Should NOT Say

There are certain things that, in my opinion, your facebook status updates should not include. Here are the top 10.

10. The lyrics from any song that has never been played on the radio. How is anyone supposed to know what you're talking about if no one has ever heard the song? It may sound cool to you but to everyone else it just looks like you're writing bad poetry about your depression.

9. Warnings letting everyone know that facebook has decided to start deleting inactive accounts. If you're older than 10 you should know better.

8. Inside jokes. I know you think that you're hilarious but to everyone else you're just posting the babblings of an idiot.

7. Your tragic breakup if it has happened between you and the same person more than once in the last two months. Seriously, get counseling or something.

6. Anything that involves bowel movements. Your constipation is an issue between you and your favorite brand of bran cereal. I understand that it's painful but I really don't want to hear about it.

5. Spam app adds. Enough said.

4. Anything written in Webspeak. I feel like I'm trying to decipher cryptograms when I read that junk.

3. Inspirational sayings more than once a day. I get it, you're inspiring, good job.

2. What the weather is like where you are vacationing. I'm not there and I don't care.

1. The word "Drama." Are you really tired of all of the "Drama?" Please tell me more. No seriously, don't.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Mosh Pits and other things that my Mom doesn't understand

When I was 16 there was one thing that was certain. If I was at a concert I was not standing in the back. Now this certainly wasn't due to my getting there early or careful planning. I made it to the front by pushing and I when I pushed I pushed hard. There wasn't a crowd that I couldn't push my way to the front of. Pushing was part of the fun. Just getting to the front wasn't good enough though. Once I got there I would often climb onto the stage with the band and then jump off backwards into the crowd. I was a crowd surfing addict. Moshing was my favorite though. There was no smell more sweet than that of grass and sweat. 100s of overly aggressive teenagers and young adults running full speed into each other with no real goal in mind. It was amazing.

I'm a bit older now and I haven't moshed in years. I'm just not as aggressive as I was in my teens and early 20s. I do however enjoy watching other people do it. Here are two videos that I took at a couple of recent concerts. The first one shows the "Wall of Death." The second one shows two small kids going one on one. These kids were much too small to partake in the normal mosh pit so when they went one on one the crowd went wild.

Monday, June 13, 2011

How Much Does a Televangelist's House Cost?

The Joyce Meyer Family Compound

Have you ever wondered what kind of house a televangelist lives in? According to my research the answer is big and expensive.

Joel Osteen
Square Footage: 17,000
Bedrooms: 6
Bathrooms: 6
Other: 3 Elevators, 5 wood burning fireplaces, 1 bedroom guest house & pool house
Location: Tall Timbers subdivision in River Oaks, Harris County Texas
Value: 10.5 million
(Information provided by 2010 Houston's Daily Digital Magazine)

Paul and Jan Crouch
Square Footage: 9,500
Bedrooms: 6
Other: 1 Elevators, 6 car garage, tennis court, pool with fountain,
Location: Newport Beach, California
Value: 5 million
Other Residence: The TBN network owns 30 homes

Kenneth Copeland
Square Footage: 18,280
Other: Boat dock with three slips,
Location:Tarrant County, Texas
Value: 6.45 million
Additional Information: Property owned by church and is tax exempt

Creflo (Augustus) Dollar
Location: 4695 Hamden Forest Trail, Atlanta
Value: over 1 million

Additional Residence:
Location: 1811 Sandy Creek, Fayetteville, Georgia
Value: $2 million

Paula And Randy White
Square Footage: 8,072
Other: Tampa Bay waterfront view, in ground pool and spa,
Location: 4301 Bayshore Boulevard, Tampa, FL
Value: 2.68 million
Additional Information: Randy White took soul ownership after divorce

Additional Residence: Condo
Location: Trump Towers, NY
Value: 3.5 million

Benny Hinn
Square Footage: 7,200
Bedrooms: 7
Other: 5 car garage
Location: Dana Point, CA
Value: 3 million
(Information provided by Dateline NBC - originally reported as 10 car garage)

Joyce Meyer
Square Footage: 10,000
Bedrooms: 6
Bathrooms: 5
Other: Guest house with disconnected 8 car garage, pool, pool house, putting green,
Location: near Interstate 270 and Gravois Road, St. Louis County
Value: 1.85 million

Additional Residence: Lakefront Home
Location: Porto Cima at Lake of the Ozarks
Value: 500,000

Eddie Lee Long
Square Footage:
Bedrooms: 6
Bathrooms: 9
Location: Lithonia, GA
Value: 1.4 million

T.D. Jakes
Square Footage: 15,000
Bedrooms: 7
Other: Swimming Pool, 4 Car Garage,
Location: White Rock Lake area of Dallas
Value: 2.6 million

Now you've seen my crib no get the "Hell" out of here.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Making the Cut

In my parents house there are 3 spots that have family pictures. There is the mantle place in the dinning room, the mantle place in the living room and on top of the piano. Upon close examination I have discovered that of the 17 pictures I am only in two. One of those pictures is about 10 years old and features me standing in a tree. The other is one of my sister Faith's wedding where I am one of the 8 people featured.

Apparently if you want to be in more than two pictures you need to be married. Even my brother in laws have equal booking to me. My fear is that when my Sister Grace has her baby, my parents first grand kid, I will no longer make the picture cut. One by one my pictures will be systematically replaced with that of a drooling baby. And with only two pictures that won't take very long. But that's ok, I have a plan. I have three plans.

PLAN A: Get a Kitten
In this plan I get a cute little kitten and take 100s of pictures of me holding it next to my face. If I take enough then perhaps one will be cute enough to at least make it on the piano. The real flaw with this plan is that I am deathly allergic to cats. With my face swelled, the pictures will most more than likely resemble that of Quasimoto eating a kitten. That's not too cute.

PLAN B: Get a Baby
In this plan I get a baby. Now the downfalls of this plan are quite obvious, I'm stuck with a kid for the next 18 years. With a little creative thinking this plan is however quite plausible. Instead of acquiring my own baby I will wait 7 months and borrow my sisters. Surely if I have a picture of me with my parents first grand kid that would be worthy of display. However, I have found that people usually prefer pictures of babies with their mothers. I'm not sure why that is but it seems the tradition.

PLAN C: Get Married
Um, yea.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

The Greatest Movie Ever Made

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it you surely will."
- Abraham Lincoln

I was flipping through the channels today when I came across what I consider to be one of the greatest movies ever made. If I were to pick the one movie that I felt had the greatest impact on my life it would be this one.

If you are unfamiliar with the 1960 Disney classic Pollyanna then I suggest that you go out and rent it immediately. The movie is about an overly optimistic pre-teen girl named Pollyanna who moves into a town of pessimists and revolutionizes their lives. Is it cheesy? Of course it is, it's 1960s Disney. Will it make your rethink your outlook on life? If it doesn't then your not paying very close attention.

At a very young age this movie taught me three very important lessons:.
1) Happiness is a choice.
2) Optimism is infectious and
3) One person can make a difference.

Did you know that there are 800 "glad" passages in the Bible? According to Pollyanna there are and if the Lord took the trouble to tell us 800 times that he wants us to rejoice, then He must really mean it. I think the Lord did mean it. So often optimistic people are looked at as being crazy or unrealistic. But, if God tells us to rejoice then shouldn't we be rejoicing. And if we aren't then doesn't that mean that we are disobeying the Lord (aka sinning)? Pessimism is not an option.

Here let me teach you a game that if played correctly will change your life

pollyannaish -expecting the best in this best of all possible worlds; "in an optimistic mood"; "optimistic plans"; "took an optimistic view"

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Art of the Dance - Negotiating the Price

The art of the dance, negotiating a price is an important part of what I do. This comes into play in both buying and selling. Tonight I danced as the seller. A guy drove an hour and a half from Dayton to look at bicycle that I had for sale. Since he contacted me right after I listed the bike and he came that night at 11pm to see it, I knew he was serious. This guy had obviously done a lot of dancing since he used nearly every move there is to get a lower price. The starting price was $1,100. I told him before he came that I would do $1,000 cash. He arrived and the dance began

1) Pointing out the flaws: This is usually the first and best move used in negotiating a price. I use it a lot. The light is missing, the front break doesn't work and the back wheel has a lot of pitting. Stating how much it will cost to fix the item is also important. $100 will buy a new light but how much will it will cost to fix the break is unknown. I could tell he really liked the bike so that didn't deter me. After all, he had driven 1 and a half hours to look at it.

2) I'm Already Here: Pointing out the fact that you are there and you have cash is another good strategy. The old "A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush" move. Wouldn't you rather have the cash today?

3) The other One: In this strategy you tell the seller that you are also planning on looking at another similar item. This let's the seller know that you have choices. In this instance he told me that he was planning on looking at a similar bike that was museum quality and only cost $200 more. This didn't work because his story had holes. At first he told me that the other bike was a 1947 and later said it was a 1952. He also told me that the owner owned a bicycle museum. This was also an indicator that he was bluffing because if the owner had such a vast knowledge of bicycles than he would know that one in the condition that he was talking about would be worth over 2 grand.

4) I Don't Have a Lot of Money to Spend: Pointing out that this purchase will significantly impact your finances and you only have a limited amount of cash can sometimes help in the negotiation. I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't buy something that has this kind of affect on your finances so this one doesn't work with me.

5) I Have Kids: This is a last ditch effort. This buyers kids were sleeping in the car. He said that his family may be eating bologna for a while after this purchase. I said that didn't sound so bad.

6) Meeting in the Middle: Giving up on the lower price and agreeing to up your offer to half of the difference. This one worked and I sold it to him for $925.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

The Moth Presents Edgar Oliver: Apron Strings of Savannah

I first saw this gentleman as a customer in the store Obscura on the show Oddities. Oddities is one of my favortie shows on tv and I found this gentleman to be quite facinating. So after a bit of seraching I found this performance that he did at the Moth. This is a 16 minute long video but I found it to be quite fantastic.

Friday, May 27, 2011

13 and Tattooed

Although I may look like a throw back version of a Rock and Roll drummer from the 80s, I have none of the typical marks associated with such. I've always felt that getting a tattoo was just too big of a commitment. I'm not opposed to them but I have no desire to get one myself.

In my opinion, if an adult gets a tattoo that is their business. Until just last week I assumed that adults were the only people who had tattoos or at least professionally done ones. I assumed that teenagers with more time than sense did on occasion give themselves prison style tattoos hidden in discrete locations never to be discovered by their parents. Small and badly done they would most likely fade with time. And of course I've known plenty of teenagers with piercings. Some with holes in their lips others their eyebrows and plenty more with various size gaps adorning their ear lobes but never professional tattoos.

But that all changed when I recently attended an 8th grade graduation. There I saw multible kids with professionally done tattoos. The girl sitting in front of me looked to be 16 and had nearly her entire leg covered in brightly covered artwork. Even more surprising than that though was one of the kids in the graduation class, an 8th grader. He had a series of large stars going up his neck. 13 and tattooed? It seems a bit crazy to me. How young is too young to get a tattoo?

Monday, May 23, 2011

And the punch line is... eBay Seller Support

Here is the later part of the transcript:

Melissa O.

We really do appreciate your loyalty , if you feel this policy violation is incorrect you will need to reply back to the email we have sent you in your eBay messages.

Our trust and safety team will review it , and get back with you on their decision.


Why do I need to do that when I am talking to you and you are part of the VERO department

Melissa O.

I apologize I am not the VERO dept. < i handle all prohibited items taken off our site.

They do have another area , but do not take Live Chats at this time.

That is why you will need to write into them


Oh I know, VERO is the only departent that can make decisions yet they are not available via chat or via the phone. The only way to contact that them is through eMail and it takes 48 hoursto get a reply. By the time you talk to them it's been a full week and the restriction is lifted. I've been a member for 11 years, I am quite aware of how things work. Does that sound accurate to you?

Melissa O.

Great! I am very grateful you do understand our process and can understand why we have policys in place. We have an operation to follow about the procedures we have to follow and guidelines. I do hope you can respect where we as a company is coming from. Correct.


Wait, are you kidding me? You agree that the only department that can make decisions is purposely made virtually impossible to communicate with?

Melissa O.

I understand your concern ,i do apologize that i cannot help you any further than i can at this point, if i could i would. Sorry about that . i will forward on your comments to a supervisor and have this addressed.


Everytime I've had a concern forwarded to a supervisor I was not contacted. Who can I speak to who has the authority to have my selling reinstated via chat or the phone.

Melissa O.

One moment , i will get you a phone number to our Customer support .

Call us at 866-907-3229.
For faster service use the following PIN: ####### (expires in 15 mins)


and when I call this number will I be connected to a representive who has the authrity to reenstate my selling. in the past I've been transfered 3 or 4 times and after talking to each person they pawned me off to the next person because they couldn't help me

Melissa O.

Sorry about the trouble , yes they are specifically trained to help you with this concern.


And what department will I be speaking with.

Melissa O.

this is our main customer support , if they cannot address , they have the ability to get you to a representative that can.

Well i'd thank you for contacting eBay live Chat today! Daniel Please feel free to click on the "exit" when you are ready to close. I hope You can get this resolved quickly. You Have a great rest of your day!


I already talked to them and they told me to talk to you.

I am not interested in ending this chat.
Please transfer me to someone who can resolve this issue.

Melissa O.

Ok , daniel i have given you all the information i can , at this point i cannot lift the restriction as much as i would like to. You will need to take the VERO tutorial i informed you about earlier , that is the first step in processing your selling lift.

Sorry i cannot transfer you from Chat.

Unfortunately , you would need to disconnect and come back!


Come back to where or who?

I did take the VERO tutorial. I did it while I was talking to you. No offense but it had absolutely nothing to do with selling autographs.

Melissa O.

You would log back in , go to contact us , live chat to get a representative , but they will be giving you the same information as i have.

Not sure on who that will be.


How would talking to someone else in the same department be helpful?

Melissa O.

I can see this is very frustrating today, i do wish you the best on our site, you do a great job as a seller, and i think we have come to an impass. i will need to disconnect this chat. You have a good day! i really hope this gets resolved for you quickly. Thanks for contacting eBay live chat!

Melissa O. has left this session!

The session has ended!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Feel the Burn

I admit, I don't often push myself physically. I move but I don't move much. Today was another story all together. My brother Phil called me a few weeks back to tell me that he had entered us in a scavenger hunt where the grand prize was a car. I wouldn't mind having a new car, I like games, and I like my brother so I was excited. The game started at the Great American Ballpark downtown and used an app to lead you to locations all over the city where you answer questions.

I'm not in quite as good of shape as my brother but I am happy to say that for the most part I kept up. For two hours we ran, up and down the streets of Cincinnati. I felt like death. I had blisters on my feet and my legs burned. I was breathing hard but still I ran. Clue after clue after clue and when it was all over we knew that we didn't win. We could have, if we would have made a couple of changes to our strategy early on but still, we were confident that we at least placed top 10%. That is until after it was all over and we sat down in the stadium to eat. The team next to us told us how many points they had and it was a lot. They weren't the most in shape couple of people and yet they claimed that they had beat us by a significant amount. If they had beat us than I was pretty confident that a lot of people had beat us.

Well, they lied. We demolished them and out of the over 250 teams we placed 9th. For all of you math nerds that's top 3%. So, no we didn't win a car but I'm still very happy with how we did. As it turns out despite eating junk food and not exercising, I'm it fairly good shape. We Thoms hustle and we hustle hard. I'm proud of us.

Friday, May 20, 2011

My Van Celebrates Opposite Day

It was early in the morning and I was on my way to an auction. This was the morning that I was going to hit it big, I may even retire. But then again I wake up every morning with that same expectation. The highway traffic was bad and I was running late but the end was in site. Just as I got in the clear my check engine light went on and I lost my power steering. I coasted off the exit, pulled over and popped my hood.

The fuel gauge showed a full tank but the oil light had blinked momentarily so I pulled out the dipstick. There was obviously something wrong because the dipstick wasn't giving me an accurate reading. I tried to remove the oil cap but to no avail. I called my Dad and he said I had better call a tow truck.

$80 later I was home. I managed to pry my oil cap off and it looked bad, it was low and there was what the experts call "mayo" in there. So, I called my dad, I searched the internet and I did a complete oil change. The car forum prophets of doom foretold a bleak future for my pretty little minivan. ,Never the less I again tried to start my van. Still nothing so for what was probably the 5th time that day I called my Dad. As he was in the middle of explaining spark plugs to me I had a moment of inspiration, a fleeting moment of pure genius. I laughed. Suddenly I knew what was wrong. Yes, my van did have a faulty part. It had a bad fule guage. Yes, for the first time in my life I had run out of gas.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Devil Wears a Beak

Squirrels, rabbits, fish, chipmunks and most other animals don't bother me. We have an understanding. I don't mess with them and they don't mess with me. Birds, however, are a different story. My problem with birds started many years ago. I lived in an apartment and behind my apartment lived a rooster. The rooster was evil incarnate and woke me up nearly every Saturday morning. Cock-a-doodle-do is much more quaint when heard in the context of Little House on the Prairie. On one occasion I became so enraged that I ran down three flights of stairs in my pajamas and chased the rooster around the parking lot. That was many years ago though so I thought that the bird world had forgiven me for threatening one of their own. I was wrong.

In front of my house there is a tiny tree and in that tiny tree lives the devil. Satan has taken the form of a bird. This is quite unusual since the Lord of Darkness generally prefers to posses snakes and other such creepy crawlers. But for me he has made an exception. I first encountered the beaked devil about a week ago. I was walking to my van when all of a sudden I heard the flutter of wings. And then, before I understood what was happening, I was pecked. I ran, I ran for my life. I could see the bird following me, flying at face level. I had seen the classic Hitchcock movie the Birds so I knew what this winged devil wanted. He wanted blood, my blood. I guarded my face with my backpack as I ran, quickly glancing behind me. When I got to the street I stopped and looked up. The bird had stopped chasing me and was now sitting on the phone line staring at me with his beady little eyes, waiting for me to let my guard down. I could see the wheels in his tiny little bird head turning. He wanted to peck my eyes out. I wanted to keep my eyes so once again I put my backpack in front of my face and slowly walked backwards to my van.

And this was no isolated event. Over the course of the next few days this evil bird would shoot out of the tree as I walked by. Sometimes he would peck me and other times he would just sit and stair, daring me to make a move. I even tried walking all the way around my house to avoided the devils lair and was met by his evil stairs as he waited for me on the other side. Recently I have noticed that the bird now has an apprentice, a smaller bird that follows him around. And now I have two birds that shoot out of the tree, startling me into a brisk sprint. I'm considering having the bird exercised but I've been unable to track down a credentialed animal exorcist. Perhaps shooting it would be a viable solution. I wonder if a regular BB would kill it or if I will need to get one made out of pure silver? I may have to do some more research before I am rid of the devil with a beak.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Homeschoolers: Sheltered and Socially awkward?

When my mom started homeschooling me in 1987, homeschooling was far from the norm. In fact, according to a 1985 Gallup poll, 73% of Americans were opposed to homeschooling. Growing up I only knew a few other kids who were homeschooled and those kids were my brother and sisters. Outside of my family I can't remember ever knowing another kid who went to school at home. According to some estimates, at that time, there were less than 50,000 homeschoolers in the US (some estimates put it as high as 200,000). By most peoples standards, my mom was one of the pioneers in the American homeschooling movement. The few people who came before us often found themselves fighting the government for the right to educate their children at home. One homeschooling family that my Mother spoke with early on had their kids taken away from them for 6 months after being charged with truancy. My mother was truly at the forefront of a powerful and exciting movement.

Being that when I was young homeschooling was still a relatively new concept people were prone to make assumptions as to what kind of people we were. As a child I was asked the same questions dozens if not hundreds of times. The three most prevalent assumptions that were made about my siblings and I were that we:
1) Were sheltered
2) Would grow up to be socially awkward
3) Wouldn't be able to make it in a "real" school.

In retrospect I'm sure that all of our naysayers are now convinced of their folly but at the time their bad logic was the prevalent point of view. All of my siblings did eventually join a "normal" school, I in 11th grade and my brothers and sisters in 9th.

Now to answer their questions. Were we all able to make friends in "normal" school? Yes. Were we able to make it academically? Yes, in fact I believe we all graduated with honors. Were we all able to make it in the real, unsheltered world? Yes, the exception being my youngest sister who is graduating from high school this year. She hasn't joined the real world yet but I'm sure she will be just fine. Did we all turn into well adjusted human beings who are intelligent and well loved? Why yes we have. And if you're still worried that our life as sheltered homeschoolers may have left us with low self esteems then perhaps your reading comprehensions skills are lacking.

I am happy to say that homeschooling and the general public's opinion of it has changed tremendously over that last 24 years. At my church alone I know 14 kids who are homeschooled and tonight I attended a homeschooling event with dozens more. Homeschooling is even offered and aggressively advertised by the public school system. Granted, 54% of Americans are still opposed to homeschooling but that is none the less a dramatic improvement. With homeschooling increasing by 7-15% every year the future of homeschooling is bright. My hope is that in the near future the majority of Americans will have a favorable opinion of homeschooling and will in turn stop asking the same ignorant questions that I endured for years. I am proud to have been a non-sheltered, socially capable, well educated homeschooler.

Sunday, May 8, 2011


I pulled up to my house tonight, after spending most of the evening with my parents and siblings, when I got a text message.

As I pulled in to my parking lot I got the first one. "Are you home?"

"Yes." I typed getting out of my car

I was curious as to what the next question was going to be. As I walked up the steps to my porch my phone vibrated again and I read. "Did you get a surprise?"

As I read my phone I looked down and there it was, a bag sitting on my porch. What was it? It was a surprise, that much I knew. I tore open the bag and there it was, a cake, an awesome little green cake. My phone range. "Did you get the cake. We bought it for you because it reminded us of you with it's hair. It's for your birthday."

Never in the history of surprises has there been a better timed series of text messages and phone calls. If I didn't know any better I would have said that they were using surveillance. Surprises are so much fun. It made me smile so big I was afraid my face would split in half. I'm thinking about wearing green sunglasses and eating cake for breakfast. I lived a charmed life.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

On Turning 30

It kind of snuck up on me. Being 30 is kind of strange. It's not that I actually feel any differently. I haven't suddenly developed sagging man breasts or crows feet. The only real difference is when someone asks me how old I am I have to say 30. I don't particularly love the idea but it is what it is. It has now been:
  • 30 Years since I was born
  • 18 Years Since I Graduated from Elementary School
  • 12 Years Since I Graduated from High School
  • 8 Years Since I Graduated from College
  • 2 Years Since I went to my 10 Year High School Reunion
  • 1 Year Since I quit my job
  • 30 seconds since I've had a drink of clean water.
If your reading this than you are probably sitting within 15 feet of a clean water supply. Sadly that is not the case for everyone. There are currently 1 billion people in the world who do not have access to clean water. Every 19 seconds a baby dies due to an illness related to unclean water. That's why this year for my 3oth birthday I am asking my family and friends to help me in the fight to provide clean drinking water for the world. My family has agreed to, instead of buying me presents, to donate to this awesome cause. For just $20 you can give someone the gift of clean drinking water for life. I'm not just asking you to give. I'm going to put my money where my mouth is and will be matching the first $500 that is donated by my friends and family.

Water Changes Everything. from charity: water on Vimeo.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Cirque Du Soleil

Have you ever seen a baby staring, eyes glazed over, fascinated by seeing a ceiling fan for the first time? That's how I felt watching Cirque Du Soleil. The only thing that I wish I could have seen is the expressions on my face because I'm quite positive that they were ridiculous. The acts defied both logic, the laws of thermodynamics and gravity. It's hard to put into words the strange and wonderful things that I saw. I'm fairly positive that if Spiderman would take off his mask and wear glittery makeup, they may give him a job. No guarantees though. This is the first time I've ever seen a group of 40 people who could all beat me in the limbo. The only down side is the price of the ticket and once you get there they punch you in the gut and make you pay and additional charge for parking. If you want a hot dog you may want to take out a second mortgage. It was worth the money though. These performers could kick Chuck Norri's butt. I'm glad I unclenched my Scrooge like hands and went to see it.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Why I'm a Pacifist

Grown ups don't punch people. That is unless they are criminals or they participate in some sort of sport that involves fighting. I always thought that was was a fairly logical statement but not everyone agrees with me. Under normal circumstances, if one grown up punches another, it shows a complete lack of self discipline. After all, if nothing else, it's a crime to punch someone. I believe it is refereed to as assault. Pacifist or not, it is my belief, that most people can live their entire lives and never encounter a situation that requires them to act violently.

So, now for what is apparently one of my top two most controversial beliefs. Why am I a pacifist? The simple answer is because I feel that this is how God wants me to live. It's a personal conviction. I have never insisted that everyone should take the same stand as me in living a life of non-violence. Thus, personal conviction.

The second reason is equally simple. You don't have to have doctorate in divinity to know that Jesus lived a life of non-violence. He was the author of such controversial sayings as:

"But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also." (Luke 6:27-31)

I understand that these are difficult verses to take at face value. There are a million scenarios where this seems like an impractical or irresponsible way to react. If someone was taking your best friend and mentor away to be unjustly put to death you may feel inclined to defend him by force. But, if your friend was Jesus he would say, put away your sword. I believe that God is sovereign and if he wants me to live a life of non-violence than his will will be done no matter the circumstance.

This is a blog, not a thesis paper so I won't delve into this any further. Perhaps by the dictionary definition I'm a true pacifist because I'm not going to take a stand against having a military or Mud Wrestling. At it's core my pacifism only really involves two people, God and me.
So, if you would like to punch me in the face feel free. You wouldn't be the first person to do it. If you decided to do so I can assure you of two things. One I will not hit you back and two I will file assault charges.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Osama is Dead - Should I be Happy About This?

Osama bin laden is dead. Should this make me happy? I'm not sure if anyone's death should make me do a little dance. I remember, years ago, I won a shirt from one of the local radio stations that had Osama's face in a target. I only wore in once before I decided it was in bad taste. I understand that he was a mass murder and a terrorist but is it ever right to rejoice in someone going to hell.

The Cool Kid Commercials

There is one specific line of commercials that I despise. They are know as the "cool kid" car commercials. I understand who the target demographic for these commercials is and I hate that this demographic exist. If your not familiar with these commercials they feature a "cool kid" whose parents are "cool parents" because they bought a "cool" family vehicle. It aggravates me to no end that there are parents out there who care if their kid thinks that they are cool to the degree where they would base their vehicle buying preferences on it.

In one commercial, the kid in the cool car pulls up next to the kid in the lame care. The kid in the lame care has dorky parents who sing the same stupid song for hours on end while the kid in the cool car has a headset and his own dvd player. The kid in the cool car tells the kid in the lame car that he pities him. Really? Give me a break. This kid's parents have raise an elitist, materialist, little brat. Shame on them. Not cool.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Chubby kid on Skates

He was a chubby kid. His chipmunk cheeks were red and his face glistened from sweat. He had a death grip on the metal bar that surround the skating rink. One wobbly step at a time he skated the perimeter. His grip was not quite strong enough and his legs were continuously flying out from under him. One step, two steps, three steps, flat on his butt. His chubby little friend was equally bad which often caused slow speed accidents.

But no matter how bad this kid was, no matter how many times he fell flat on his butt, no matter how many times the other kids snickered as they skated by, he got up and kept trying. And strangely, I found his plite inspiring. There he was, by most peoples standards, a skating failure yet he kept at it. He didn't even seem to be showing improvement yet he kept trying. Something was motivating him to push past the snickering pre-teens that surrounded him. I want to, like him, to get up when I fall down and to keep trying. Fall down, try again, fall down, try again, fall down, try again...... I want to live my life like the chubby kid on skates.

Friday, April 29, 2011

A Witches Bible

WARNING: I absolutely do not encourage anyone to read the book refereed to in this blog. The book talked about in this blog was disposed of after having owned it for only a few hours. This book does encourage acts that are contradictory to the true Bible, the word of God. The Bible does talk strongly against the practice of witchcraft.

I buy and sell 100s of books, and sometimes 1000s. Most of them are of no real interest and those that I haven't seen before blend into the stack with the rest. I did today happen upon a book that I had never seen before, "A Witches Bible." Now,I may get some slack for this but I did read a bit of it. It is over 600 pages long so I mostly just skimmed the chapter titles. The one chapter that I did read was called "Many Mansions." This chapter was about Paganism's relation to Christianity. This is the part that caught my eye.

"In trying to reach understanding with Christians who criticize the kind of work we set out to do, it is worth pointing out that Jesus told his followers to go forth and do just that: 'Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils' (Matthew x:8). Raising the dead may be beyond the capacity of most of us, but at least witches work hard at the other three, while with a few honorable exceptions Christians seem to have abandoned psychic healing altogether and have confined 'casting out devils' to a handful of licensed exorcists."

Although I think they are a bit off kilter in their statement, what they say does have an element of truth to it. "At least witches work hard at the other three." That's a statement worth considering. Why is that? If that is a true statement, why do witches pursue, although though false means, what all Christians should be seeking? Even though they are serving a false god (goddess), why are witches more motivated to desire the power to heal heal the sick, cleanse the lepers and cast out devils? If Christ said that those are the works that will follow his believers than shouldn't we desire to do them? If not than doesn't that mean that something is wrong? What's wrong?

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Curvy Vs. Voluptuous

Ok, so I'm a member of a free dating site. Yea, yea, shutup. So anyhow, under the advanced search you can choose "body type." These are the choices.

Prefer Not To SaySlenderAthletic
AverageA Few Extra PoundsBig & Tall/BBW
Well ProportionedThickBig Guy
Curvy/CurvaceousFull Figured

Ok, so some of these I understand. I know what Muscular, Athletic, Slender, Petite, Average and Athletic are. Here's where the confusion comes in. I feel like the rest of these options are purposely vague. What is the difference between Voluptuous and Thick? And what is the difference between Thick and Full Figured. And what in the world is Well Proportioned? Are Average women not Well Proportioned? If so that's terrible news for the average women. Big Guy? I'm looking for women. If she describes herself as a Big Guy than that's going to be a no go by me. And what is the tipping point between a Few Extra Pounds and Thick? I think this dating site needs to show some silhouettes that describe these check boxes. That would be very helpful.

I Talk a Lot

I did it. This is the last post in my 30 day challenge. I took Ryan Detzel's challenge to blog for 30 days in a row and, amazingly, I made it. I was in a bit of a blogging slump. I felt that I had nothing to say. Anyone who knows me knows what a ridiculous statement that is. I always have something to say. I talk and talk and talk. Take tonight for example. My friend Jeremy fell asleep during Survivor so when it was over I walked to the door to leave, but then I ended up talking to his kids, and then after that to his wife, so an hour after I walked towards the door, I actually left. So, thanks Detzel. Enjoy this video of him accepting birthday ice cream at TGI Fridays even though it wasn't his birthday.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

My Favorite Kids Book

From the Heinemann First Library Bug Books series comes this classic.....

Does your head itch now?

Monday, April 18, 2011


So I decided to visit my blog today. The problem is, for some unknown reason, my web filter has decided to block my website. When I tried to go to it it gave me the message that the website that I am trying to view is categorized as porn. I must admit, for about 3 seconds I got worried. Was there porn on my blog? If there was I most certainly didn't post it. What if my blog was hijacked by evil off shore web surfing porn pirates who were using my sites immense popularity for porn peddling. So, I pulled out my handy dandy super duper smart phone and went to and I have good news. My blog is still 100% porn free. It has not been taken over by evil off shore web surfing porn peddling pirates. I may need to contact my web filtering service to have them unblock my site.

I use a service called k9 web protection ( which I highly recommend to anyone who has kids. You can set your filters to eliminate anything from porn to witchcraft. You can even set timers to limit web access between certain hours to keep your kids from sneaking on at night. Its biggest flaw is of curse that fact that it is blocking, a perfectly wholesome site.

Sunday, April 17, 2011


After church today I ran into one of the boys from kids church walking around in one of the hallways. I hadn't seen him in a little while so I stopped to say hi. He looked pretty down and when I asked how he was doing. He said, "alright." The funny thing about alright is that it does not mean all right. I guess that's why they are spelled differently. "So what's terrible?" I asked and he hit me with this.

"My Dad died."

"Wow, that is terrible, when did that happen." I replied, a bit shocked.

He shrugged and said, "During Spring break."

I can't even begin to imagine how painful it would be for your dad to die. My Dad's father died when he was around that same age. I wasn't sure how to reply to that so we just talked. His sister came by and she talked to. We didn't talk about death though, we talked about how jelly fish are 95% water and humans are 65% water. That's why it's so easy to get dehydrated. That's why after you brush your teeth you want a drink of water. It's because you loose moisture spitting. We talked about how they have photo ids for the Newport Aquarium. And I told them that I've never been there because my friend who I was going to go with had moved back to Brazil. We talked about a lot of fun stuff. I like talking.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

That's Me!

For the opening activity in kids church the kids were making a "love banner." The instructions were to draw someone that you love. I gave the examples of your mom or dad, or maybe your brother or sister. One of the little girls said that she was going to draw me. How fantastic is that? She drew the portrait, another little girl added the heart and a third wrote the title. Look at my beautiful blond hair. It's nice to be loved.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Mitch Hedberg

This is one of my all time favorite stand up comedy routines.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

100 Omelet Fillings

Looking for a few new things to put in or on your next omelet? Well your in the right place. Here are 100 things to put in or on your next omelet. Know an item that I missed, have a favorite item from the list, leave a comment and let me know. If you like this list you may also want to check out my other list, 100 Hot Dog Toppings

1.Bell Peppers




5.Bacon Bits


7.Salt & Pepper




11.Green Chili’s




15.Hot Sauce


17.Shallot (Green Onions)

18.Poached Shrimp


20.Truffle Oil

21.Cheddar Cheese


23.Hot Dogs



26.Seasoning Salt



29.Refried Beans

30.Fried Rice



33.Kidney Beans

34.Worcestershire Sauce

35.Chili Powder

36.Mozzarella Cheese

37.Crab Meat

38.Beef Tips



41.Feta Cheese


43.Black Olives

44.Dried Dill Weed

45.Sour Cream

46.Parmesan Cheese

47.Hash Browns

48.Flour Tortilla (chopped)

49.Monterey Jack Cheese


51.Gorgonzola Cheese


53.Goat Cheese





58.Jalapeno Peppers

59.Piquillo Peppers

60.Manchego Cheese

61.Creme Fraiche



64.Currant Jelly

65.Powdered Sugar


67.Smoked Salmon


69.Cream Cheese

70.Sliced Apples

71.Sliced Pears

72.Sliced Strawberry


74.Italian Sausage




78 .Chorizo

79. Goetta

80.Corn Beef Hash

81.Shredded Pork

82.Pizza (chopped)

83.Beef Stew




87.Salami Bits

88.Sun Dried Tomatoes

89.Serrano Chile

90. Placate Sauce


92.Roasted Red Peppers

93.Pepper Jack Cheese

94.French Fries

95.Grilled Chicken

96.Curry Sauce

97.Leftover Takeout (Chinese, Japanese, Indian…)


99. Huitlacoche

100. Butternut squash