Friday, October 31, 2008

Another Random Blog


I saw a car with over 25 air fresheners hanging on its rear view mirror. Did those things become collectible?

I dressed up like Jesus for the Blast (the churches costume, game and candy party). I saw a little kid dressed up like the devil. I wanted to get a picture of me, Jesus punching the devil in the face. Sadly I didn't get the opportunity to have that picture taken.

I saw a car whose license plate cover read Happy to be the mother of 6 girls. I would have to imagine that that was a customized plate cover. I mean, how many mothers of 6 girls are there who are shopping for license plate covers?

I saw 8 cop cars blocking traffic with their lights going on the highway. Then they were gone. I never did figure out what was happening. I'm confused.

When your dressed up as Jesus you get to say a lot of cheesy lines:
"Hey Jesus, did you just get here."
"No I am with you always."
One kid was walking down the street and said "Oh God."
I said, "Yea, well I guess that's appropriate."

I almost got attacked by a dog today. The thing was huge. It came running at me in full stride. Then in an act of animalistic aggression, it lunged at my torso teeth first. I didn't enjoy that. To make matters worse I think it was a poodle. It would be embarrassing to be killed by a giant poodle.

I asked a little kid if he was dressed up as Indiana Jones. He said "No, I'm dressed up like a midget." Wow, touche.

Today I realized that I have a tenancy to eat sandwiches in sets of three.

The best costume that I saw tonight was a girl dressed up as a recycling bin. I can't help but to wonder if her parents drive a Prius.

Every time that I open a can of biscuits is startles me. POW!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Happy Dress Like a Slut Day

I posted this last year but hey its that time of the year again....

Halloween is a holiday that I've never been a huge fan of. As of lately though it has managed to re-brand itself. Halloween isn't just for the kids anymore. Its fun, forget the liquorice, have some liquor instead. And best of all, the costumes. Pirates are fun, be a pirate. Or better yet, be a slutty pirate. All you have to do is take an ordinary Pirate costume and than cut 75% of the material off. Or better yet, just wear your underwear and ad a tail, after all its Slutoween, I mean um its Halloween. Now of course no one would regularly wear their underwear to a party (at least most people wouldn't) but this is as good of an excuse as any to show everyone what God gave you. I can't wait until Christmas parties get re-branded. Make way for the half naked Santa, underwear model Elves and of course, everyones favorite, the Virgin Mary.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Strangers with Candy

I like talking to strangers. I guess I just find people fascinating. All around you, everyday, strangers. Strangers with stories, opportunities, advice and candy. I'm that guy who knows all of the postal workers, free sample ladies and on on occasion picks up a hitchhiker or two. That aside, there is no better place to meet strangers than on craigslist. No, not the personal ads. I'm talking about selling stuff. I met a few strangers over the weekend.

The first guy I met came to get some free radio parts from me. Peoples ears perk up at the sound of the word free. He was a bigger fellow, middle aged, a bit country and very talkative. I must have talked to him on the phone for 10 or 15 minutes before he arrived. As it turns out, he used to sell ammunition on eBay until they shut him down. He also informed me that if he owned my house he would put some grow lights in the attic to, uh, improve his parties. It's the hair isn't it? People are continually offering me, uh, herbs.

Guy number two didn't talk too much but he sure did love the box of broken old phones that I sold him. his brother and him used to find entire basements full of old phones back in the day.

Person number three was the most interesting. Her name was Ursala and she was an artist. I can't quite remember what in the world we talked about but I do know that she enjoyed the art that I have in my living room. Strangers always like the view too.

Have you met any interesting strangers recently? You should.

Monday, October 20, 2008


I know people who put a lot of weight in so called signs. This is a sign, that's a sign. "Everything happens for a reason," they say. "This couldn't just be a coincidence." Now, I've never been much of a signs person myself. I've played the signs game and have always managed to lose. I have a tendency to point all of the signs in the direction that I have already decided to go.

I had an experience last week that really turned me off to the so called signs. Now, I'm not saying that there aren't indicators in life to point us in the correct direction. However, most things that people consider to be signs of direction are just simple coincidences. And now for my signs experience. I was at work getting ready to print a large picture of a baby. The file was being rotated on our rip computer when all of a sudden I got an error message, an error message that I had never gotten before. It simply said, "Abort." Now think about that for a second. Is this a sign that I should vote for a pro-choice Democrat. What if this happened to a pregnant lady? If anything seems like a sign, it's this. Abort. But, this wasn't a sign. It was just an creepy coincidence. What do you think? Have you had experiences in this area? Are most things signs or are most things just coincidences? Tell me what you think.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Car (wow thats a short blog title) ((oh nuts now its a long title))

So, my car died Tuesday. It was a day like any other and then, my car stopped running. Just like that. I managed to coast off of the road and preceded to walk to work. It's been a long time since I've walked two miles. I stuck out my thumb but no one took me up on my offer to ride in their passenger seat. At least it was nice out. Last time I broke down and hitchhiked it was below freezing. As it turns out my timing belt came off and aparently you need those things. Being without a car is not good, it's bad. Lucky for me though I have great friends and family. Between the bunch I managed to borrow two vehicles, get picked up from and for work 7 times. I even got free breakfast once, and dinner 3 times. Thanks Dad, Grace, Ryan and Jeremy. I never worried that I wouldn't have a ride. Somehow I knew it would work out. In case you haven't noticed, I'm an optimist. This morning I bought another car. It's a 01' Dodge Neon. I've never owned a car with four doors before. I now have a new Danmobile. I just need to put the decal on the back windshield to make it official. I think this time it will say, "I blog" Chaos has once again been averted, I have transportation. The world can now sleep with no worries.


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My Mood Ring Says I Hate You!

How do mood rings work? Well, there are crystals in them that react to body heat and therefor change color. Why pray tell is this pertinent information? Well you see, I am the proud owner of a mood ring. I bought it off of a kid who had a bag of them at church. It was a dollar and I didn't even have to talk him down. He was just a child so I refrained from using my flea market negotiation skills. I try not to exercise that particular skill set at church.

The funny thing is, the mood ring seems to be pretty accurate. What I've discovered, however, is rather unsettling. I apparently only have 3 emotions and two of them are practically the same. I am always either normal (blue), relaxed (purple) or stressed (gray). What happened to all of my other emotions? I'm pretty sure that there are some missing between relaxed and stressed. I have been told in the past that my expression of excitement is rather weak. Perhaps I don't even possess that emotion. That means that the people who said that to me were being discriminatory against me. There should be some sort of governmental compensation for my emotional disability. I think I'll look into that. Oh, and the title, it was just catchy. I probably don't even possess the emotion of hate.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Note To Self - Another Random Blog

Yogurt only taste good if the second ingredient on the package is sugar.

I have 100 Slim Jims because my friend Chris gave them to me and not to you. Slim Jims are a great breakfast snack. They're like a quick, preservative filled, version of bacon.

If being racist, sexist, or ageist means that you are discriminatory against people based on their race, sex or age than what is a humanist?

I walked two miles to work today and if I had a cell phone I wouldn't have gotten all of that great exercise. Yep, my car broke down.

The residents of Mt. Airy and Colerain encourage physical exercise by not picking up hitchhikers.

Here is a quick and easy test that I came up with to determine if a presidential candidate is trustworthy or dishonest.
A) Is the person in question running for president?
If you answered yes to this question than the person in question is most certainly dishonest and is not to be trusted.
B) See question A

If you are looking at someones vacation photos, seeing their daughter in a bikini may inadvertently distract your attention from the Mayan ruins.

When my parents watch the presidential debates my mom concentrates on the Republicans and my dad on the Democrats. For instance, my mom complains that McCain's comb over is terrible and my Dad says that he can't get over the size of Obama's ears.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

RIP Sedamsvilles St. Martins German Evangelical Church

"You know that big old red church on River Rd? I live like 5 houses down from it." Ok, so that's how I used to describe where I live. That old red church was St. Martin's German Evangelical Church. Built in 1892, it had seen better days. Having been abandoned for over 20 years it was only a fragment of its once glorious self. Big wooden panels covered the gaping holes that once contained stained glass. The 3 bells in the tower sat dormant, their chimes forever silenced. Even with all of its defects, old St. Martins was still impressive with its Gothic style architecture. So man red bricks.

But today, church is no more. The land that the church once sat on was bought by Arlon Brown, a highly motivated developer. His plan requires him to eventually demolish all of the houses in a 2 block area, replacing them with an 11 story tall, 50 million dollar condo development. So far, if my math and snooping are correct, he owns 45 lots. Unfortunately for him, I have no plans of moving. Have you seen my view? Arlon has, and he'll tell you, its beautiful. Anyhow, here are the pictures of the demolition.

I didn't take this picture

These ones I took

Speaking of took. This is what I rummaged from that pile of a church. Those planks are like eight feet tall. I'm sore. The door handles I got before they tore down the tower. Hmmmm, now to figure out what to do with this 100 year old junk.

Friday, October 3, 2008

India Day 14 My Last Day

Today is my last day in India and I am sad, I don't want to leave yet. I went to the market with Keith and one of the boys to buy some saries for my sisters. I’ll miss the markets. After the market we ate at McDonalds. It’s the Indian version of course, everything is chicken. Where’s the beef? Imagine that, no beef. It was still good though and the place was very clean. When we got back to the center we danced and laughed and I’m pretty sure everyone was making fun of me but it was all in Hindi so I can’t be for sure what was being said. It was good though. We had fun. One of the boys who never smiles was laughing and laughing and laughing. He couldn’t quit smiling. I was so happy to see him smiling. Kids should smile, and laugh, and dance, and have fun.

I’m not sure how it started but they were all telling me that I should have 3 wives, one American and two Indian. I tried to explain that I have thus far been unsuccessful at acquiring one wife but I was willing to take down some names. And then, it was time to leave. I managed to smile and not to cry but it was hard, it was very hard. I was holding back the tears. They asked me when I would be back and I told them that I didn’t know, I didn’t know if I would ever be back. I hugged all of the boys good and hard and few of them accompanied us to the bus station. As we walked one boy held each of my hands and I could tell that they were as sad as I was. I gave them one last hug before I got on the bus. One last bus ride. It was over, 2 weeks, gone just like that. I may never know what happens to them rather they go back to the streets like so many of them do or if they make something of themselves. The potential is there. These boys are capable of doing great things, of changing India, if only they are given the chance, if only they put their minds to it and work hard. These kids are so important, every last one of them.

Travel back to the states was so so. The bright side was I met Juhye at the airport. It was a great surprise because neither of us knew when the other was flying back home. The bad part, well I missed my second flight. This time it was only a 3 hour wait though. Now I'm back in America where every week blends into the next. My life is a blur.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

India Day 13 Taj Mahal

Today we went to Agra. It’s the girls, me and Rashe is doing the driving. Our first stop was the Temple of Hare Krishna. This particular temple was built only 40 or so years ago so it is relatively new. This site was supposedly where Krishna played with the cows. I couldn’t tell you why that’s important but apparently it is. This temple is also rather famous and quite elaborate. People come from all over the world to worship here. At least half of the people that I encountered in the temple were foreigners, many Americans. They were doing their morning ceremonies which included lots of singing, dancing and of course idolatry. The same verse was repeated over and over and over. It was a bit strange almost like a Hindu cult for old American hippies. I should also throw in here that even though Hare Krishna is depicted in all of his pictures as being blue, he was in fact, not blue.

Next stop the Taj Mahal. Well, almost, we ate breakfast first. Words can not describe the beauty of the Taj. When I walked through the gate and saw it I was breathless. “Am I really here?” I asked myself. It was a surreal experience. The marble, the inlayed stones, every curve and every wall was just incredible. Its funny to think that underneath all of the marble is a big brick building. As breathtaking as I though the Taj was some of the people there seamed to think that I was also quite the spectacle and wanted to have their picture taken with me. Here we were at one of the modern wonders of the world and they wanted a picture with me, that’s fantastic. And couldn’t even tell you how many pictures the girls took with Indian tourists, one after another after another. Oh, and when I was getting my ticket for Taj a guy said to me, “Nice beard, it is a very sexy beard.” That’s right folks, I have a sexy beard and don’t you forget it. I’m telling you, India loves my face. Oh and the kids who sell key chains outside the Taj are quite possibly the most aggressive sales people in the world. If these kids sold Girl Scout cookies the Girl Scouts would have more money than Bill Gates himself. How aggressive are they? Well I bought a key chain for rs 10 and the kid insisted that I should buy 10 more.

Next we made our way to Agra fort and wow, another amazing piece of Indian architecture. It was stunning to say the least. My favorite thing about the fort was sitting in the giant open windows, towering over a 100 feet above the ground, and just staring through the mist at the Taj in the distance. And of course there were additional aggressive sales people here too. How aggressive are they? Well I bought a marble elephant. The guy started out at rs 460 but settled for rs 80 because that’s what I had in my pocket. That’s an 80% price drop. Sure, I’m a sucker but not as much as the guy who pays rs 460.

On the way back to Delhi we stopped to eat and I tried the Indian version of pizza. Its good, I liked it very much. Tonight, finally, someone stayed up with me and played cards, speed. I love playing cards. I wish I could take my housemates home with me.


Wednesday, October 1, 2008

India Day 12 the Zoo

Today we went to the Zoo and it was fabulous. It’s a wonderful and humbling thing to be able to treat 17 kids to what they called one of the best days of their life. And to think, Keith and I were able to pay for the entire thing for less than $100.

We all took the bus, had food catered to us, ate ice cream and candy and drank Fanta and Coke. We saw the elephants, white tigers, giraffes, and of course the reptiles. The boys were all dying to see the snakes. Keith tried to follow the zoo map but then gave up in disgust saying that he had been all over the world and this was the worst map that he had ever tried to read. So, we let the kids leave the way. It was a bit helter skelter but today was all about the kids. Well almost all about them. I was soon to realize that the most exotic animal at the zoo was the blond headed American. As one of the other centers works said to me, “They're watching you, they have never seen hair like yours.” Since everyone seemed all ready watching me I decided to walk on my hands. A few of the kids gave it a shot too. Today was a fun day, an amazing day, a meaningful day. Those kids are important and are worth it. They’re worth the work, their worth the money, and they're worth every bit of love and so much more. After the zoo, Keith and I caught a tuk tuk back to the house, it rained and we got soaked. Tuk Tuks don't have doors.

That evening Keith, the girls and I went to the Urban Bar where we had shakes, drinks (I just had a shake), and 4 of us shared an apple flavored hookah, fun times. Side note, the drinking age in India is 25. Another side note, they don't card anyone, epically not foreigners. Later that night we played cards.