Saturday, August 30, 2008

How Much Does a Televangelist Make?

Because churches are not required by law to disclose their finances the salaries of many mega-church/ televangelist are unknown. Here are a few of the yearly salaries that I could find. Why was I looking you may ask. Because I was bored and curious that's why. What do you think? Do they make too much, not enough?

Joel Osteen - $200,000 (now receives no salary and lives strictly off of his book sales)
Paul Crouch $419,000
Janice Crouch $361,500
John Hagee $842,005 in compensation and $414,485 in benefits
Benny Hinn $1.325 million (estimated)
Joyce Meyer $900,000 (reduced to $250,000 due to criticism)
Randy White $179,000
James Eugene Ewing $307,187
Rick Waren $0 (due to the success of his book repaid the church back for the last 25 years of salary and gives 90% of his money away)

Friday, August 29, 2008

I can't Believe he Wore that Shirt

Thursday night I went to the Lift (the big Vineyards young adult service). This is not unusual, I go every week. What is unusual is that when I walked in my brother started laughing at me. He flagged me over to him and pointed somethig very strange out to me. The guy sitting across from him was wearing the exact same shirt as me. Now, if I had been wearing a sports shirt, or perhaps an Old Navy special this wouldn't have been quite as shocking. That, however, was not the case. I was wearing a vintage, yellow, 1980's shirt that says I'm Ship Shape Royal Caribbean. Seriously, what are the chances of that? No, I'm serious what are the chances. Lets do the math.

There are 301,000,000 people in the US.
Lets estimate that there were 100,000 of this particular shirt made, just a guess.
Of those 100,000 lets assume that over the last 20 years 75% of them were destroyed.
That leaves 25,000 shirts.
The Lift normally has around 200 people in attendance.
Let's also assume that each of them owns at least 20 shirts. That's an average since I own well over 100.

Ok so here comes the math. .0000664451827242525% of the US population was in that room. .008305647840531562% of the people in the US own that particular shirt. The chances of one person who owns that shirt choosing to wear it on any given night is 5%. The chances of two people who own that shirt picking it on the same night is .25%. Anyhow, here is the mathematical formula that I came up with. Correct my math if I'm wrong because I probably am.

25,000/301,000,000 * 200 *.25 = 0.0041528239202657807308970099667774% or 1 in 24,080


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

India 101 Questions

It's so close, I can't believe how close it is. Next week, I'm going to India. I've been preparing for this for months and months and its almost here. Here are a few of the questions that I've been asked

Do you think that your ready?: I am. I've come to the realization that there's only so much you can do to prepare and then you just have to just do it. In my mind there's nothing that I can't do.

How long are you going to be there?: 2 weeks. I'm leaving on September 6th and getting back on the 20th.

Who are you going with?: I am going by myself. My trip is, however, being set up through an organization called Cosmic Volunteers.

Do you know anyone in India?: Nope, I know no one. I do know that I will be staying with Mr & Mrs Rajiv Sabharwal and no, I don't know them either.

How are you paying for your trip? Well, friends and family generously donated around $900. God donated the additional $1,200+ for the plane ticket via the eBay sales of Ben Hur props.

What shots did you get?: Um, none. I didn't get any shots. That's all the more motivation for you to pray for me. My plan is to not drink the water and put my trust in God.

What will you be doing in India?: I'm not 100% sure. What I do know is that I will be doing some sort of work with homeless children for 30-40 hours a week.

How much money are you bringing?: I was thinking about bringing $200. All of my meals are provided while I'm there. The only problem is $200 is almost equal to 8,000 ₨. That's quite a wad. You can buy an entire meal there for under 40₨.

How long is the flight?: Its a 2 hour flight followed by a 14 hour flight. I hope those seats are comfortable.

What is the time difference?: 9 1/2 hours, ek. I hope to adjust quickly.

Whats the weather like there?: Hot, it is supposed to be 92° every day. Some rain too but that doesn't seem to make it any less hot.

So anyhow. Pray for me while I'm there for my safety and that God will be at work through me and lives will be changed including my own.

Monday, August 25, 2008

the hottest guy on myspace

Not trying to be forward but you are honestly the hottest guy i've found on myspace.. too bad you live so far away LOL!! anyhow i only can check my myspace once a month cause my work blocks it.. but msg me on my msn account at jane87***@****.com

That's the message that I got on myspace today. Now, I don't have a poor self image but the hottest guy on myspace. Thats a bit much. That triggers my porn alarm. Attention, porn, evacuate the area at once. How full of yourself to you have to be to fall for spam like this? Yea, I'm so hot that everyone from everywhere wants to friend me. I googled the email address and sure enough, 33,700 references. Most of them went something like, Hey look at this girl with big yada yada yada on web cam going crazy yada yada yada. So anyhow, the lessen here for all of you seekers of wisdom is this, if a girl whose profile picture looks like she is about to bust straight out of her clothes tells you that your hot, um, spam.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

What is this Flower

I am continually amazed my the flowers that grow in my yard. Apparently the previous owner planted a ton of perennials so, like clock work, every year up the come. This one is a bit baffling to me. What I find strange is it only seems to bloom after the sun goes down. During the day the flowers are all closed up but come dusk they spring to life. Only about a dozen of them open up but there are about 75 flowers altogether. This is a huge plant but what is it? Anyone know?

Friday, August 22, 2008

Random Thoughts and Events

The lady in the car next to me today was wearing a coat. If your cars air conditioning is up so high that you prepare for it by wearing a coat in 80 degree weather than maybe you should turn your air down. Just an idea.

I saw a security guard today that looked to be every bit of 70 years old. I strangely felt less secure.

I was going through some boxes and found a slim jim. Those things last forever so I plan on eating it.

I bought some bar soap at the store today. Some soap was priced per oz and some per bar. Thats too much math to just buy some soap. All I know is I don't want to use that dumb loofah any more. I don't know why I bought stupid thing.

I have the auction station on my satellite. Sometimes I stop on the station just to complain that its not a real auction and I know auctions. I wonder if I could talk them down.

I caught the garter at a wedding 2 weeks ago and I'm still not married. I want my money back. Don't those things come with some sort of guarantee?

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Events that SHOULD be in the Olympics

You can not "go out there and give 110%." That is mathematically impossible. If I were to give you an apple pie you can not eat 110% of the pie. You can only eat 100% of the pie, after that there is no more pie to be eaten. In fact, I believe that it is in fact impossible to give 100%. I believe if you were to give 100% you would instantly fall over dead because you would have 0% left. Now for the important part of the blog.

Events that are not, but SHOULD be Olympic Events
1) Tug-a-War (seriously this would show everyone which country is the strongest)
2) Arm Wrestling (watch out China, this one is ours... or maybe Russia, they have some mean looking women)
3) Big Splash Contest (can you imagine the announcers saying, "Wow, look at that splash, that was way too small and thats going to cost him.)
4) Thumb wrestling (enough said)
5) Olympic sized Foozeball (my idea is a foozeball table so big that it takes one player per pole to play)
6) Roller Derby (oh yea, thats hot)
7) Hot Dog eating (these guys are serious athletes, if they have watermelon eating I may try out)
8) Speed knitting (ok I just changed my mind, this is a bad idea)
9) NASCAR (bahahaha thats worse than number 8)
10) Sky Acrobatics (thats those guys who jump out of planes and do tricks, it will be like the cool version of gymnastics)

Friday, August 15, 2008

The Thoms Estate

Childhood memories, everyone has them. I was thinking today about going to my Grandmas house for Thanksgiving. My Grandma has since passed but the memories will live on forever. We called her Grammy Ann and she lived in Asheville, North Carolina. We loved our Grandma and every year would make the long trek into the mountains to see her. Now mind you, my Grandma didn't live in a small cabin in the mountains. She lived in a mansion on a 100 acre estate. She lived in her mansion and my Great Grandma lived down the road in the other family mansion. Grammy Ann called the estate Panda Play acres. She loved pandas. She loved animals. There were horses, huskies, cats, and peacocks.
I haven't been to the Thoms estate in years now. Both my Grandma and Great Grandma have been gone for a long time and things are different now. My Great Grandmas house is being renovated into a club house and 80 acres of the land are being developed. The Thoms estate was the largest privately owned estate not yet developed. Its not too likely that I will ever live at the Thoms estate. The cheapest house is priced at just under a cool million. I still have the memories though and those are free.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Olympic Games

I don't particularly like sports so its strange to me that I will sit down and watch the Olympics. The Olympics have an almost mesmerizing quality to them. It's us verses the world and we're loosing to the Comies. I most enjoy watching the ADD sports. You know, the ones that take around 2 seconds to complete. I've become quite the expert in synchronized diving. "Wow, thats good synco," I say to myself. "Oh no, too much splash!" I must be a quick learner because this week is the first time I've ever even heard of synchronized diving and already I'm practically an expert. When I was at my parents house, my mom was actually watching the gymnastics. Not only was she watching it she was debating the age of the Chinese gymnasts and agitated that we weren't paying close enough attention to the scores. Like I said, mesmerizing. I just want to leave you with a bulletin, a highly edited bulletin of fiery passion that a friend posted on myspace.

Gosh **** that Alicia Sacramone, its her **** fault that the Americans lost, how the **** are you going to fall on too events..... two **** events that she shouldn't have even been competing on in the first place if chelsie and sam hadn't got hurt.... **** that ****... she's a good gymnast but **** if you can't stand the heat get out of the the **** **** kitchen. Everybody else did their job and baked frinkin masterpieces..... any way beyond that **** subject... china knows good and **** well that those gymnast aren't 16 **** years old..... so what if there passports say that their 16 their **** passports are issued by the Chinese government..... the flippin communist. they want everything to be of perfect perfection, they wouldn't even let a lil girl sing their song because she wasn't cute enough. so they had a "cute" lil girl lipsing the song. thats ridiculous..... china needs to hand over those gold medals that they get because they know that they didn't earn them because their gymnast are freakin ten years.
Screw China

Monday, August 11, 2008

Cars on Poles, Dead Cows, and Iowa

There are 600 miles of separation between Floyd Iowa and Cincinnati Ohio, 600 flat, boring, monotonous miles. Corn, hundreds and hundreds of miles of corn, everywhere you look, corn, corn, corn, a barn, two trees and then more corn. Lucky for me I was traveling with Phil and Mandy who provided hours of deep conversation followed by dozens of Iowa jokes. The highlights of the drive included cars on poles, a pile of dead cows on the side of the road, and the worlds largest truck stop. Thats right folks, I visited the worlds largest truck stop, the pride of Iowa. Alas, after over 10 hours of travel, we arrived, Floyd Iowa, the new home town of our friend Zach Fox, his beautiful bride, and 425 other towns folk.

After a quick stop at our hotel in Charles City, the home of over 8,000 city folk, a McDonald's (currently closed) and a SUBWAY that serves breakfast, we were off to the wedding rehearsal where me and Phil were to be groomsmen. "Well look at that," I thought to myself, "in Iowa people dress like cowboys." I was, however, wrong, in Iowa people do not normally dress like cowboys. They dress like everyone else. At western themed rehearsal dinners that I am unaware of, they dress like cowboys. The rehearsal dinner was outside on a farm, complete with chickens horses and deep fried everything. If you are unaware of the fact that I greatly enjoy deep fried everything than we need to have a talk. Side note: The guy with the sheriffs badge was not a real sheriff and the guy with the PBR belt buckle did not ride bulls. Hey, I rode a horse. Wait, there was no sequway there, sorry.

After dinner the guys jumped in their respective vehicles and trekked back into he woods. I rode with a friend. My little red rental car may not have made it out alive. A small fire, illegal fireworks, a long rope attached to a tall tree and a pond awaited us. That was one scary rope. The brave would clench it tightly and swing the equivalent of two stories down into the darkness bellow. I could hear a splash and no one was morbidly disfigured so I can only assume that there was water down there.

Day two, waffles, swimming in the hotel pool, a free lunch at the church and then, the moment of truth, the wedding. The wedding party was quite large, well over 20 people, a party sized party if you will. The audience was even larger, about 75% the size of Floyds entire population, standing room only. The ceremony was beautiful. I didn't cry though. Ok, I'm a liar. It was like watching Bambi's mother get shot all over again. More free food was to follow. Side note: I caught the leg thingy which means I get to get married next. Watch out ladies, I'm on the prowl.

And then, it was all over and we were back on the road again. More corn, and then darkness. Hundreds of miles of murky, thick, darkness, no dead cows, no cars on poles, just darkness. 4am came and I was home again. It was a long trip, it was an expensive trip, and it was worth it.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Ak, my car Stinks

Have you ever had break failure? Breaks are an important part of a car. Mine started to sound funny yesterday. Today, while stopped in traffic, one of them locked up. Forward is my favorite direction to drive and I couldn't do it. Not only did it lock up, it fell off. One side of my break pad fell right off. At least when it fell off I could move my car again. That caused me to miss group tonight, how disappointing. At least my dad came to the rescue, again. If my dad were a super hero he would save you and then complain that its hot and your waisting his time. Deep down though, I'm pretty sure that he doesn't mind it so much.


Unrelated story: Yesterday I kissed a frog. It did not turn into a princess. It didn't even turn into a duchess. It was a very small frog but I just figured she would be like 4'11.