Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I have decided to advocate the use of my name, Dan, as an adjective. For those of you who are far removed from the toils of grade school grammar, an adjective is any word that describes a noun. And for those of you who are even further removed, a noun is a person place or thing. I looked into getting my name into the dictionary but as it turns out this is quite a lengthy process. The first step however is the circulation of the word into printed media. Here are a few sudgestions for the use of the word Dan. If you have your own definition that you would like to submit, feel free.

Possible Usages
Dan ..--dan.. adj [Hebrew D--n]
Inflected Form(s): Danly; Danner; Danning

1. characterized by entailing little expense, frugal, money well spent
That coat was a dan good deal.

2. favorably disposed; in a kind manner; with sympathetic or helpful kindness
Thanks for helping me with my homework. That was very dan of you.

3. having an attractive, well-proportioned, and imposing appearance; good-looking
That is one nice t-shirt. Your looking very dan today.

Rejected Usages
Dan ..--dan.. adj [Hebrew D--n]
Inflected Form(s): Danly; Danner; Danning

1. having a gaunt, wasted, or exhausted appearance, as from prolonged suffering, exertion, or anxiety; haggard
Having gotten only two hours of sleep, Joe woke up looking very dan.

2. having qualities traditionally ascribed to women
My, don't you look dan today with your new scarf

3. to collect, save, or hoard useless items
Look at all this junk. Your really danning this place up.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Seventeen Magazine

598 Cute New Looks, Get Irresistible Lips and Feeling Fat? Thats right folks, I am a subscriber to Seventeen magazine. Now, I must confess, I did not purposely subscribe to this fine publication. I was filling out an online form to enter some random drawing and then it just happened. Congratulations, you have just subscribed to Seventeen magazine. I remember mumbling to myself, "What? Oh no. How did this happen." Maybe its just me but I'm pretty sure that I don't fit within this magazines targeted demographic.

The magazine does have a few things going for it though. For on thing the cover is so bright that it could possibly cause seizures. It sure does smell a lot nicer than the last issue of Popular Mechanics, I believe its the Vera Wang Princess perfume. And, on top of all that, this issue also contains an offer for free undies, something I've never seen in competing publications like National Geographic.

Now I haven't read this magazine cover to cover as of yet but here are a few of the highlights. The cover says that there is an article inside called "Shocking Ways You Could Get Pregnant By Accident." Wow, I'm pretty sure that I could write that article. It would go something like this, "Having sex could get you pregnant, don't have sex your only seventeen." Ok so as it turns out that if I want perfect lips I need to buy some Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush Lip Gloss Cherry Bomb. I had no idea. I don't even if I could remember that whole name to ask for it. Did you know that lipstick comes is 6 different shapes, intriguing. Oh, and did you know that the truth about college guys is that they are more interesting, they booty call, and that they respect your brain. They respect your brain? That is news, when did that happen? Ok, so scarfs are in, Zac Efron is hot, sexy hair requires a curling iron, 81% of guys say they have never forgotten their girlfriends birthday, and its good to wear a different kind of bra on Saturday night than you wear on Sunday. Ok, I need to put this magazine away before someone at work sees me reading it. Note to self, cancel subscription to Seventeen magazine.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Its Cold Outside

Its Cold Outside

It was cold out this morning, 19 degrees to be exact. This, however, was not of much concern to me. I had warmed up my car and it was as toasty as a smore. I was nice and warm but that didn't last too long. I could feel my car pulling left as I drove down my street and after about a mile I came to a brilliant discovery, I had a flat. As it turns out my spare tire was also flatter than Frankensteins head and thus began my journey. I didn't have any gloves and the spare tire was as cold as ice. I trekked the mile back to my house to call work to tell them I would be late and then preceded to the gas station, another 1/2 mile away. I had attempted thumbing a ride the entire time but everyone was in too much of a hurry to help me. I filled my spare and headed back. One guy honked at me.* Another gentleman, however, was a little more gracious and gave me a much needed ride. Granted this story doesn't have a surprise ending or even too much content but I just wanted everyone to know that my fingers are still sore and so is my neck and back. The tips of my toes are still cold and my hair is a mess. THE END

* If I find out that one of my friends was the one who honked after seeing me walking in below freezing temperatures with a spare tire on my shoulder than that friend shall be punished.

Monday, January 21, 2008

House Trek a Video Blog

On Saturday Johanna and I went on a quest. Our quest was simple. We were going to visit every place that either she or I had ever lived in Cincinnati. This is the video of that quest.

Selling my Hair January 13, 2008

Well folks, after 7 years of no hair cuts, I have decided to sell my hair. I like to change things up every once in a while and this will be a huge change. I just hope everyone will still be able to recognize me with my sexy new cut. I know that a lot of you are wondering why I am not donating my hair to Locks of Love. I'll let you read up on them yourself if you like. Basically though, they sell most of the hair and don't make many wigs (http://www.squidoo.com/locksoflove). I will be donating all of the money from the sale of my hair to a charitable cause.

Now, what hair cut shall I get. I truthfully don't know. I will only be cutting off my ponytail so I will still have a lot of hair to work with. Have any ideas, post a picture. Most likely it will be a longer hair due though. When will this hair cut take place? I don't know, I guess we shall have to wait to see who buys the hair. It starts at $200

Here is where my hair is for sale http://thehairtrader.com/viewlisting.asp?lid=247441

Glance at Dans Brain

- If I had alzheimer's I would put a $10 bill in everyone of my pants pockets. Its exciting to find money.

- I don't understand olives. Why are they always stuffed with something. I think the first person to grow olives realize that they were nasty and stuffed them in hopes that people wouldn't notice.

- I saw a girl the other day who was wearing pink plaid pants and carrying a pink camo patterned purse. Does that match? They are both pink. I'm confused.

- If steak flavored dog food really taste like steak than why would I let the dog eat it.

- As I was taking down my Christmas lights last night a couple of girls walking down the street called me a pervert. I didn't realize that taking down Christmas lights makes you a pervert. Things sure have changed since I was a kid. Very confusing.

- Is it just me or does projectile vomiting sound like an Olympic sport.

- If your in a store looking at a cookbook and you see a recipe that you like but don't want to buy the book, take a digital picture of it. I'm not saying that anyone that I know has ever done this, but if they did it would work.

- Is it strange to take a to go plate from a funeral? I was too full to eat dessert but I still wanted to eat some cookies.

- I bought a gallon of ice cream last week. It was multi colored, on sale, and called Superman ice cream. My deep freeze went out and it all melted. Superman ice cream? Yea, whatever.

14 is too Young to Die January 06, 2008

14 is too young to die, way, way too young. I didn't watch the news last night. If I would have though, I would have already known that one of my kids is now with the Lord. Greg was in my Sunday school class. He was one of my kids, one of the kids that I lived for. I pored my heart and soul into them. I loved them and knew that they could change the world. They all had plenty of time to do that too since they were all so young. Plenty of time? You always imagine that there is plenty of time. 14 is too young to die. He was skateboarding and ran a stop sign and now he's gone. Just like that. I thought I would see him again, after all he lives in my neighborhood. I thought I would have another chance to give him a hug and to encourage him. Next time I see him he will be in a child sized coffin being mourned my his friends and family. I know that there is till the afterlife but 14 is too young to die. Pray for his family.

To ad to this blog. This morning, when I was getting ready for church, I pulled a random shirt out of the clean laundry. I was going to pick a different one but then felt like I should, for some unknown reason, wear this one. I didn't think about it the rest of the day until about 30 minutes ago. I was walking when I looked down at my shirt and saw these words, "Death is not the end! it's the beginning."