Wednesday, July 30, 2008

My Redneck Paradise

My beautiful redneck paradise, you have been destroyed. Urbanization and city living have ravaged you, stealing your beauty. No one cares about your goats and antiques. What they want are video games and urban outfitters. Oh where are your sideshows, pizza eating bears, midgets and the crab men. Oh how I miss seeing the worlds largest rat, the worlds tallest horse, and the diving mule standing on his platform looking down at the pool of water far bellow. Why are there no monkeys riding ponies, family circuses daring the ring of death, or lions and tigers doing tricks? It seems like just yesterday that I saw the sword swallowers and the worlds strongest clown.

As a child I went the the Hamilton County fair every day that it was open. I would brave heat exhaustion and motion sickness, absorbing and enjoying every moment. I remember setting my own personal record on the ferris wheel barrel ride. I spun that barrel in 100 consecutive circles. Skeetball was my game of choice. mainly because at a quarter it was the only one that I could afford. The fair was an event for the entire redneck family. My 85 year old grandmother even rode a few rides. It was a thing of beauty.

Now the fair is all but dead, gasping for its finale breath. Most of the rides are gone, the food vendors are scarce and the exhibit halls are half empty. They put the chickens in with the goats and the rabbits have migrated into the beef building. I was told that the fair almost didn't happen this year. After over 150 years its coming to an end.

The fair did, however, have its bright spots this year. I won 10 ribbons including oldest book and best Bible. The demolition derby was good and the karaoke was impressive. I watched an 11 year old sing the most debaucheris song in a most impressive manner. Sure, it wasn't a total loss but it still makes me sad. Goodby my Redneck paradise. You had a good run.


melanie said...

What made it the best bible?

DanThoms said...

The content, ha ha ha. Um, I would say it was the oldest and biggest. It was from 1836 I think.