Cars on Poles, Dead Cows, and Iowa

There are 600 miles of separation between Floyd Iowa and Cincinnati Ohio, 600 flat, boring, monotonous miles. Corn, hundreds and hundreds of miles of corn, everywhere you look, corn, corn, corn, a barn, two trees and then more corn. Lucky for me I was traveling with Phil and Mandy who provided hours of deep conversation followed by dozens of Iowa jokes. The highlights of the drive included cars on poles, a pile of dead cows on the side of the road, and the worlds largest truck stop. Thats right folks, I visited the worlds largest truck stop, the pride of Iowa. Alas, after over 10 hours of travel, we arrived, Floyd Iowa, the new home town of our friend Zach Fox, his beautiful bride, and 425 other towns folk.

After a quick stop at our hotel in Charles City, the home of over 8,000 city folk, a McDonald's (currently closed) and a SUBWAY that serves breakfast, we were off to the wedding rehearsal where me and Phil were to be groomsmen. "Well look at that," I thought to myself, "in Iowa people dress like cowboys." I was, however, wrong, in Iowa people do not normally dress like cowboys. They dress like everyone else. At western themed rehearsal dinners that I am unaware of, they dress like cowboys. The rehearsal dinner was outside on a farm, complete with chickens horses and deep fried everything. If you are unaware of the fact that I greatly enjoy deep fried everything than we need to have a talk. Side note: The guy with the sheriffs badge was not a real sheriff and the guy with the PBR belt buckle did not ride bulls. Hey, I rode a horse. Wait, there was no sequway there, sorry.

After dinner the guys jumped in their respective vehicles and trekked back into he woods. I rode with a friend. My little red rental car may not have made it out alive. A small fire, illegal fireworks, a long rope attached to a tall tree and a pond awaited us. That was one scary rope. The brave would clench it tightly and swing the equivalent of two stories down into the darkness bellow. I could hear a splash and no one was morbidly disfigured so I can only assume that there was water down there.

Day two, waffles, swimming in the hotel pool, a free lunch at the church and then, the moment of truth, the wedding. The wedding party was quite large, well over 20 people, a party sized party if you will. The audience was even larger, about 75% the size of Floyds entire population, standing room only. The ceremony was beautiful. I didn't cry though. Ok, I'm a liar. It was like watching Bambi's mother get shot all over again. More free food was to follow. Side note: I caught the leg thingy which means I get to get married next. Watch out ladies, I'm on the prowl.

And then, it was all over and we were back on the road again. More corn, and then darkness. Hundreds of miles of murky, thick, darkness, no dead cows, no cars on poles, just darkness. 4am came and I was home again. It was a long trip, it was an expensive trip, and it was worth it.