Lip Service

(picture not of actual mustache)

Having more hair on my head than the common 3 toed sloth, I am well versed in the subject of dandruff. My pale white head dries up and shares itself with the world in the form of tiny snow like flakes. Now I know there are products out there to prevent such problems. In fact, I have anti-dandruff shampoo in my shower and use it often. However, yesterday, I discovered that I had a different problem, mustache dandruff. This is a disorder that I had in the past joked about but didn't believe really existed. I have never seen a product directed at amending this condition so naturally I thought that mustache dandruff wasn't real. Where are the commercials featuring guys with their handlebars and their embarrassing secret, dry lip. "Dry lip," they would say, "used to control my life. I couldn't be a lip hair model because of the embarrassing flakes. But now theres a solution, Pro-Upper lip. It not only eliminates mustache dander, it gives your stash a bright, bristly, healthy sheen." Actually, I think I will just ignore my dry lip and maybe it will go away. Until then though, everyone try to avoid kissing me passionately.